S'mores Life

Five, almost six years ago, I was exiting church after the service with steam coming from my ears. I was practically dragging a toddler, and carrying an infant in the Moby wrap, questioning if it was done right because a photographer had just told me it was wrapped wrong. Someone at church (I honestly can't remember who, which is good for both of us seeing as I work at this church now) said something to me along the lines of "Cherish every moment. It goes so fast." I had to walk away before I asked for her rose colored glasses and stomped all over them in the church entryway. I was a stay at home mom to two kids two and under, my now ex husband was working 4-6 weeks out of town (when I wasn't freaking out about his state of employment, or lack thereof), my nipples were raw from my little nursling being attached to me every 1.5-2 hours round the clock, my toddler had just tried to bite her friend on a recent playdate, my entire body felt foreign and achey and ...

Dear Monica, You may not remember me, but I will never forget you. As excited and expectant new parents, we took the advice of many friends and interviewed and hired Dr. Gvozden in 2011. On August 14, 2011 our first daughter, Clara Hope, was born. Dr. Gvozden was out of town so we saw another doctor in the hospital. Clara and I were having breastfeeding difficulties, but I had done a ton of research and was very reassured by the nurses, Doctor, and lactation consultant that while we were off to a rough start, things were on track. When she was 4 days old, Kim Knight IBCLC came to our house per my request as I wanted to be assured we were doing all we could to make this work and have Clara thrive. I knew between my PCOS, her tongue tie, and the use of a nipple shield that we had an uphill battle so I wanted as much support in place as possible. Kim and I made a plan, she watched me nurse Clara and told me she had never seen a new mom so comfortable nursing - I was lounging and walki...

There is a blogger that I follow (Birth Without Fear)   who posts different women's "I Am Strong..." stories. The stories are inspiring and heart wrenching and beautiful. Tonight she posted that we could email ours to her, so I will be doing that, but I also wanted to share mine here. I am strong. You are strong. I am strong because... I am strong because I was told that I may not be able to have children and I would certainly need fertility treatment in order to get pregnant. I am strong because I was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) at 18 after suffering for five years. I am strong because I gained and lost 50 pounds before deciding to try to get pregnant. I am strong because I started Metformin to help with my PCOS symptoms and even though it did help, it came at a price. I am strong because I was told by my well-meaning family members I would get pregnant easily "because I came from a big family" even though I knew they were wr...

*I started writing this post a few months after Haddie's birth. I'm just now coming back to it at almost 7 months post partum, so the details are a bit blurry. Also, there are breastfeeding pictures in here so if a little bit of side boob and a happy baby make you uncomfortable then 1) you might have a problem and 2) stop reading now. I need to start by saying a lot of people may not understand why this is so important to me. Maybe they don't see the big deal about breastfeeding, maybe they didn't struggle with it themselves, or maybe they did and got over it easier than I did. Maybe they aren't parents yet or can't understand the feeling of being told your body is failing at taking care of your child. But that's what it comes down to for me - After I struggled and "failed" at breastfeeding Clara, and it looked like that might happen again with Haddie, I was mad at my body. I felt like this is the one thing a mother is supposed to be able to do f...

Unlike my reflections on Clara's birth story , I really do not have many reflections about Haddie's . I have very few regrets about how the experience went and how I handled it. Maybe I could have said the F word less but in the long run does that really matter? I hope not. lol. There are two main things I have told people about Haddie's birth. One is, I am not sure if we will ever have a third child (ask me when I sleep for more than 3 hours in a row) but I would have one just to go through Geneva Woods Birth Center again. Ok that's not a real reason to have a third, I know. But going into that decision (YEARS from now), I can at least know with confidence that me and my baby will be taken care of. Their staff is amazing. I felt cared for and most importantly, safe. I can't say I felt that way my entire pregnancy with Clara with the large OB office in Maryland. For low risk mothers, this is an excellent option. The other thing I tell people is, I know it hurt ...

Since I wrote Clara Hope's birth story six months after her birth, it wasn't quite as fresh in my mind. I'm hoping starting this two weeks after Haddie's birth might help me include some more details since as we all know, pregnancy brain doesn't disappear once the baby is born. We have mom brains now and details literally just slip out of it. I'm not sure exactly how, but I know there must be a very scientific explanation for it. ;) Also, here are my thoughts after Clara's birth story was written on what I would like to do the same or differently with my second child's birth. Obviously, we decided on a natural birth center birth with midwives. This is a picture of me at 39 weeks, on Friday, December 6. We went to the Imaginarium with Clara that morning. I sat on a bench and watched Ian and her play half the time because I was just so.dang.tired. I'm wearing the same dress in my 9 months pregnant picture with Clara. I was much more swollen wit...

One of my favorite cloth diaper vendors had a facebook status of "You should never say ____ to a pregnant woman." the other day. I easily typed out eight  things off the top of my head, all of which were said to me more than once  while pregnant. And I easily continued to think of more but didn't want to turn BumGenuis' facebook into my blog, so I ran here to vent about it. Don't get me wrong, I loved loved loved being pregnant. I loved the anticipation and wondering if the baby was a boy or a girl. I loved feeling her move, and watching my stomach roll like ocean waves. I loved her hiccups, even though when I first found out babies did that in utero it freaked me the F out. I loved the thick, long hair pregnancy gave me and the crazy cravings. I also loved having swollen ankles and swass. Ok, I didn't love those things but now that it's been almost a year (!!!) since I was pregnant I can look at pregnancy through rose-colored glasses. Which is what it s...

Weekly-ish...bi-weekly...Whatever, I'm confessing. Maybe not as regularly as I'd planned, but surely not for a lack of confessions, I am almost always embarrassingly full of those... This evening (which is actually what prompted me to write this) I learned what it's like to want to murder your husband. Not in a crazy, I will kill you in your sleep way...no in a, I love you dearly but YOU MUST DIE RIGHT NOW way. He got home from work as I'm putting Clara to bed and he starts banging around the kitchen and then the bathroom (which shares a wall w/ her crib - shows how much we were thinking about homicide and a baby sleeping when putting it up) like he wanted to let our friends 20 miles away know he was home...She was *finally* asleep when he stumbled his way into the shower making enough noise to wake her up through the wall. This man that I married, made and have begun to raise a child with - I actually wanted to hurt him. I had to go put Clara back to sleep not only...

Clara turned nine months old on May 14th. It is hard to believe that she has now been "out" longer than she was "in". I learned a lot while pregnant with her but I think I have learned even more since having her... What I learned from being 9 months pregnant:            - You can't imagine worse sleep than nights involving sleeping on one side only, peeing 48 times, elevating           your ankles, being kicked from the inside and indigestion (ok, ok, I can't say that I got indigestion often but I bet it would suck.)                                                                       -The worse thing someone can say to you is "You look huge and miserable." And the biggest  compliment you can receive is "You look...

How long can you use the excuse "I'm sorry, but I just had a baby"? This topic has come up recently on my message board, in my MOPS group, and in the locker room at the gym. Maybe I'm just bringing it up all the time. ;) I was telling a woman at the gym that my daughter was seven months old and while I'm trying to lose weight I still frequently use the excuse "Well I'm fat because I just had a baby." She said "My son is three years old and I still use that excuse." Nice! It made me wonder how long you can use the excuse (my thoughts are 18 years for each kid), and what you can be excused for...this is the list I came up with. I'm sorry I'm fat , but I just had a baby. I'm sorry I have bags under my eyes , but I just had a baby. I'm sorry I forgot about that work/school project, but I just had a baby. I'm sorry my house is a mess, but I just had a baby. I'm sorry I forgot to go to my appointment to sign/fin...