S'mores Life

Dear Second Child, I'm not sorry that I'm just now completing the photo book from the year I was pregnant with you, and haven't even begun your baby photo book. You turn five in less than four months. I'm not sorry that your older sister had her newborn pictures professionally printed within two weeks of her birth, and I just now ordered pictures to fill your "Baby every month" frame. I'm not sorry that in your sister's baby book, I marked the date for every new tooth, and she has a special compartment for hair from her first haircut. All I have for you is the statement I told the dentist "I don't know, she was a late teether because I remember being glad I only worried about being bit while nursing for a few months. I think she 11 months when she got her first tooth?" And I found a baggie with hair I'd saved from when I trimmed your bangs for the first time recently, but when I reached in and my hand unexpectedly came into cont...

The other day one of my daughters asked me if there was a college she could attend to become a Super Hero. As with many of our little ones questions ("But how exactly DID the daddy seed get into the mommy's belly? But, HOW?") I was not prepared with an answer for this so I replied "Well there is school to become a police officer or firefighter and they help people in the same way superheroes do." She wasn't satisfied with that answer, and so I've been thinking about the specifics of becoming our own Wonder Women, magic rope or not. I've been feeling pretty Super Woman myself lately. I've been listening to the Powerful Women of Pop playlist on Amazon recommended by my best friend, I've been responding to tough situations in ways I am proud of. This past year has brought a lot of change to my family, my personal, and my professional life and I feel like I'm finally finding my groove. I'm finding ways to be more efficient with my time,...

Here's a sign that you aren't regularly discussing your body: You have to google "leg muscle above knee" before you write a blog post about self-care,  self-love and your body. Part of my job is running the social media accounts for my employer. I enjoy it and it's great because I post at least 75% of what is posted which means I get to screen almost every picture of me before it goes up. Which means a lot of pictures of me do NOT go up. Another part of this job means people send me pictures from events I may not be at or may be unable to have my phone with me. A few weeks ago someone sent me a bunch of great photos. And one photo of me. I was in front of a crowd, speaking, and holding one of my kids. And I immediately started shaming myself. You look disgusting. You look pregnant. Your hair is so frizzy. Your face is so red. You're gross. Then came the rationalizing... Well your phone is in your pocket. That's why your butt looks huge. Those pan...

On this Mother's Day, I am grateful. I am grateful for my mom, who spent countless volunteer hours in my classrooms, driving on field trips, as a Sunday School teacher, and a Birchwood counselor. I am thankful that through difficult financial times, she was there when we got home from school even when she wondered if she should be out working instead. I am grateful that she understands that not all women have that choice, or choose differently. I am thankful that when our relationship was at its peak of turmoil and anger, she still reminded me I could take a day off school to go shopping and get my nails done with her, if I wanted...even though my type A personality would never allow myself to take a day off school "for no good reason." I am thankful for my grandmother, who raised two boys and relished having a granddaughter and a girl to sew for, for the first time. She now has another granddaughter and three great-granddaughters and I don't believe would ever ha...

About a year ago, I published Our REAL Christmas Letter for 2015 . I shared a lot of things; I was brutally honest about the fact that we were struggling in our marriage, I was mentally struggling a lot, and we had a lot of difficult parenting moments in 2015. I shared joyous moments too of course, but 2015 was a hard year. For most of us, 2016 has not been any easier, but I look back on that letter from one year ago and see it as the starting point for me being honest about my real life on social media, blogging, and in person. Some of you know me well and know that I've never shied away from being honest, sometimes blunt, and sometimes to a fault. There is something different, however, about being real. True. Authentic. Raw. The response both online and in person, to that letter, was staggering. I still have people tell me how much they appreciate how brave I was. To be frank, I feel like my reasons for honesty were far more selfish than brave. Sure, it was nice that other peop...

Laura Reeve Photography I was going through my blog posts the other day, and stumbled upon this post about being a mom of two  and how it was all okay despite my fears, and I was reassured of that fact because of a sweet moment between my two girls. I guess it came at the exact right time, because right now in this season of motherhood? I'm tired. I'm burnt out. I'm cranky. I'm not handling things well. I'm beating myself up for every mistake. I'm yelling too much. I'm overwhelmed. My kids are cranky, tired, misbehaving, testing boundaries, being kids and some days I just think...how does anyone do this, well? It's easy to become a parent (if you're lucky), its relatively easy to keep them alive (much easier now that Haddie has glasses and isn't falling and running into things all the time...here I thought she just inherited my gracefulness) but it's so freaking hard to parent them well. It's a lot of pressure. I'm feeling jud...

If you haven't unfollowed me on social media by now, you're probably aware that I'm well into the 365 Grateful project right now. 324 days in, to be exact. I take a picture a day of something I'm grateful for. I post daily to instagram, and anywhere from 1-10 photos at a time to Facebook. And I'm done. You're likely wondering why. I'm SO close. It's a cool thing, to look back on a picture from every day of this year, and if I kept it up I could make a whole photo book of our year. Even as I type this, I'm wondering if I'm making a mistake. I started this project after a really, really rough 2015 . I thought it would give me something positive to focus on, remember small things to be grateful for, and try and be a glass half full kinda gal. The thing that I've learned is, there are a lot of things that I do struggle with, but being grateful is not one of them. I'm grateful for so many things. Even after the last few difficult years, ...

I am writing this on October 16, 2016. I am purposefully waiting until the election season is over to post this, because I don't want it to get mixed up in the screwed up world of politics. This may be a hot topic right now, but it is an important one.  Rape culture. In a strange way, I'm grateful that the world heard Trump's sick words about sexual assault. He represents a culture, that has little to nothing to do with American politics (I know just as bad has been said and done within the Democratic Party too), that women have known about all along. But his comments getting blown into the media are forcing us to finally talk about it. People want to know why his accusers didn't come forward before the election. Well, first off, BECAUSE YOU'RE ASKING THAT QUESTION. It's also for the same reasons a great deal of us haven't been vocal about this issue or our own experiences with sexual harassment or assault. What if they think I'm crazy? ...

If you’re reading this, there’s a good chance you’re a parent of small children, or you once were and can look back on these years with rose colored glasses (I’m jealous, when can I get me some of those?!) and so you know exactly what I’m talking about when I say that I’m constantly answering questions. Constantly. Sometimes I even have the answer to those questions. “Mom, are you peeing or pooping?” Always in a public restroom…Always. “What are you eating?” “Why do you like coffee?” BECAUSE SURVIVAL, KID. “Mom, how did I get out of your belly?”  “Will I see Meme again in Heaven?” “When you met Daddy, was I already in your belly?” “Where does God live? I know in our hearts, but where can I see Him?” Always at bedtime…what is it about bedtime that turns our little ones into theologians and philosophers?! And then,  sometimes  a lot of times, I don’t have the answers. “What do hyenas eat?” Thank God for google. “How ...

I've been having lots of these mom moments lately. Not the cutesy ones with the perfect memories with my kids. I actually have been having lots of those lately too, which is nice because it makes the crazy mom moments not as hard. It's a lot more difficult to be mad at my 2 year old when she poops on my hand when its after she's made me laugh hysterically rather than after she's stayed awake and hyper on a cross country flight. But those moments where you wonder if this is all you are anymore...a mom. And when I say it like that, it sounds bad, right? Because being a parent is THE most important job in the world, and incredible, and a gift...which makes you then feel guilty (MOM GUILT IS THE MOST REAL THING EVER IN LIFE, EVER) for questioning it. But.  The other day I was folding laundry and I realized the nicest and sexiest underwear I own are my new Thinx PERIOD PANTIES. Period fucking panties. I mean yeah, there's lace on them and they're black. They do...

I'm grateful for my maternal anxiety and OCD. There are words I never thought I'd say. I'm doing the 365 grateful project on Instagram and Facebook, but decided today's grateful picture and post needed a whole blog posting. I'm not known for being long winded or anything. ;) Anxiety presents itself a little differently in each sufferer. It preys on your deepest, darkest fears and insecurities. So what does that look like for me? The worst thing I can imagine is someone hurting my kids, me not being able to protect them from that, or something happening to me that leaves me incapable of caring for them...so anything that falls into those categories (and it can morph and change) has the potential to trigger a panic attack for me. I'll have an intrusive thought ("what if I have a mental breakdown and can no longer care for my kids?" "___ looked at my kid funny. What was that about?" And my brain latches onto it. This is where the OCD part ki...

Nine months and my entire second pregnancy of six weeks away, two weeks home. A year of four weeks on, two weeks off . (The "best" year of this job.) Nine weeks of "Oh you're coming back in a week. No, never mind. Ok you're coming back in two weeks. No, never mind..." Eight months of anywhere from four to six weeks on, averaging one week off. No consistent schedule. Alternating between gratefulness for the opportunity and the ability to move our family back to Alaska, and (probably irrational) pure hatred of the slope, everything it stood for, and what I felt "it" was doing to our family. But I knew, deep down, it wasn't doing anything to our family. Maybe some families are strong enough for that lifestyle. In fact, I know a lot of thriving slope families. Our was not one of them. For everyone who thinks that the money is "so good" on the slope, I have a couple thoughts for you. First off, he isn't paid when he's hom...

I'm guilty of it to some extent. You're probably guilty of it too. Our families, church folk, teachers, friends, and Lord knows the ladies at the grocery store are guilty of it too. Everyone means well, but can we just stop and think about the load of crap  parenting advice that we dole out? It starts the moment you announce your pregnancy and ends...well, probably never. If you find out the sex of the baby you'll be able to plan, prepare any older siblings, and it's still a surprise no matter what! There's nothing like that moment when you've given birth and the doctor or your partner announces the sex! Don't find out! (Side note: Totally guilty of this advice. There really isn't anything like that moment!!) Get the 1st tri screening done. It will help prepare you emotionally if there's something wrong, and if not, then you'll be able to relax some. Are you going to terminate the pregnancy if something's wrong? Then what's the poi...

Thoughts that Go Through a Mom's Mind on a Regular Basis Titling this blog post went something like this: Random Thoughts of a Stay at Home Mom .... Sloper's Wife .... Solo Parent ... Neurotic Mom ...Mom. What's that smell? Is that me? Please dear God, don't let it be me. I showered today. No, yesterday. I have had minimal sweating in the last 24 hours, and even relatively speaking that should be ok, right? No wait. Is that my kid ? OMG they're going to think I don't bathe them. Where are the damn baby wipes already? Is that normal? Is THAT normal? I'm telling myself it's normal whether it is or not. Maybe I should look it up...NO! No. Step away from google. WebMD is bad too. I should do more activities with them... ...omg could this game BE any more boring? I'm playing it wrong, huh? How am I playing it wrong when the game consists of you playing next to me while I sit here thinking about what all I could be doing and you bark at...