S'mores Life

Dear Second Child, I'm not sorry that I'm just now completing the photo book from the year I was pregnant with you, and haven't even begun your baby photo book. You turn five in less than four months. I'm not sorry that your older sister had her newborn pictures professionally printed within two weeks of her birth, and I just now ordered pictures to fill your "Baby every month" frame. I'm not sorry that in your sister's baby book, I marked the date for every new tooth, and she has a special compartment for hair from her first haircut. All I have for you is the statement I told the dentist "I don't know, she was a late teether because I remember being glad I only worried about being bit while nursing for a few months. I think she 11 months when she got her first tooth?" And I found a baggie with hair I'd saved from when I trimmed your bangs for the first time recently, but when I reached in and my hand unexpectedly came into cont...

I've been having lots of these mom moments lately. Not the cutesy ones with the perfect memories with my kids. I actually have been having lots of those lately too, which is nice because it makes the crazy mom moments not as hard. It's a lot more difficult to be mad at my 2 year old when she poops on my hand when its after she's made me laugh hysterically rather than after she's stayed awake and hyper on a cross country flight. But those moments where you wonder if this is all you are anymore...a mom. And when I say it like that, it sounds bad, right? Because being a parent is THE most important job in the world, and incredible, and a gift...which makes you then feel guilty (MOM GUILT IS THE MOST REAL THING EVER IN LIFE, EVER) for questioning it. But.  The other day I was folding laundry and I realized the nicest and sexiest underwear I own are my new Thinx PERIOD PANTIES. Period fucking panties. I mean yeah, there's lace on them and they're black. They do...

Dear Monica, You may not remember me, but I will never forget you. As excited and expectant new parents, we took the advice of many friends and interviewed and hired Dr. Gvozden in 2011. On August 14, 2011 our first daughter, Clara Hope, was born. Dr. Gvozden was out of town so we saw another doctor in the hospital. Clara and I were having breastfeeding difficulties, but I had done a ton of research and was very reassured by the nurses, Doctor, and lactation consultant that while we were off to a rough start, things were on track. When she was 4 days old, Kim Knight IBCLC came to our house per my request as I wanted to be assured we were doing all we could to make this work and have Clara thrive. I knew between my PCOS, her tongue tie, and the use of a nipple shield that we had an uphill battle so I wanted as much support in place as possible. Kim and I made a plan, she watched me nurse Clara and told me she had never seen a new mom so comfortable nursing - I was lounging and walki...

I'm guilty of it to some extent. You're probably guilty of it too. Our families, church folk, teachers, friends, and Lord knows the ladies at the grocery store are guilty of it too. Everyone means well, but can we just stop and think about the load of crap  parenting advice that we dole out? It starts the moment you announce your pregnancy and ends...well, probably never. If you find out the sex of the baby you'll be able to plan, prepare any older siblings, and it's still a surprise no matter what! There's nothing like that moment when you've given birth and the doctor or your partner announces the sex! Don't find out! (Side note: Totally guilty of this advice. There really isn't anything like that moment!!) Get the 1st tri screening done. It will help prepare you emotionally if there's something wrong, and if not, then you'll be able to relax some. Are you going to terminate the pregnancy if something's wrong? Then what's the poi...

There is a blogger that I follow (Birth Without Fear)   who posts different women's "I Am Strong..." stories. The stories are inspiring and heart wrenching and beautiful. Tonight she posted that we could email ours to her, so I will be doing that, but I also wanted to share mine here. I am strong. You are strong. I am strong because... I am strong because I was told that I may not be able to have children and I would certainly need fertility treatment in order to get pregnant. I am strong because I was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) at 18 after suffering for five years. I am strong because I gained and lost 50 pounds before deciding to try to get pregnant. I am strong because I started Metformin to help with my PCOS symptoms and even though it did help, it came at a price. I am strong because I was told by my well-meaning family members I would get pregnant easily "because I came from a big family" even though I knew they were wr...

*I started writing this post a few months after Haddie's birth. I'm just now coming back to it at almost 7 months post partum, so the details are a bit blurry. Also, there are breastfeeding pictures in here so if a little bit of side boob and a happy baby make you uncomfortable then 1) you might have a problem and 2) stop reading now. I need to start by saying a lot of people may not understand why this is so important to me. Maybe they don't see the big deal about breastfeeding, maybe they didn't struggle with it themselves, or maybe they did and got over it easier than I did. Maybe they aren't parents yet or can't understand the feeling of being told your body is failing at taking care of your child. But that's what it comes down to for me - After I struggled and "failed" at breastfeeding Clara, and it looked like that might happen again with Haddie, I was mad at my body. I felt like this is the one thing a mother is supposed to be able to do f...

Unlike my reflections on Clara's birth story , I really do not have many reflections about Haddie's . I have very few regrets about how the experience went and how I handled it. Maybe I could have said the F word less but in the long run does that really matter? I hope not. lol. There are two main things I have told people about Haddie's birth. One is, I am not sure if we will ever have a third child (ask me when I sleep for more than 3 hours in a row) but I would have one just to go through Geneva Woods Birth Center again. Ok that's not a real reason to have a third, I know. But going into that decision (YEARS from now), I can at least know with confidence that me and my baby will be taken care of. Their staff is amazing. I felt cared for and most importantly, safe. I can't say I felt that way my entire pregnancy with Clara with the large OB office in Maryland. For low risk mothers, this is an excellent option. The other thing I tell people is, I know it hurt ...

Since I wrote Clara Hope's birth story six months after her birth, it wasn't quite as fresh in my mind. I'm hoping starting this two weeks after Haddie's birth might help me include some more details since as we all know, pregnancy brain doesn't disappear once the baby is born. We have mom brains now and details literally just slip out of it. I'm not sure exactly how, but I know there must be a very scientific explanation for it. ;) Also, here are my thoughts after Clara's birth story was written on what I would like to do the same or differently with my second child's birth. Obviously, we decided on a natural birth center birth with midwives. This is a picture of me at 39 weeks, on Friday, December 6. We went to the Imaginarium with Clara that morning. I sat on a bench and watched Ian and her play half the time because I was just so.dang.tired. I'm wearing the same dress in my 9 months pregnant picture with Clara. I was much more swollen wit...

Positive Reinforcement : n; The offering of desired effects or consequences for a behavior with the intention  of increasing the chance of that behavior being repeated in the future. When I started this blog a few months ago I was doing it mainly to have some "me" time, because I enjoy writing and voicing my opinion, loudly (you mean you had no idea? I know, I'm so subtle) and I figured a blog would be perfect. That way I can write, and no one has to listen to my opinions if they don't want to, they can just not follow my posts. As I've continued I've really enjoyed writing things that I hope can help another mom out there, in some way - I am by no means an expert, I'm just stumbling through this whole "first time mom" thing, but if just knowing that someone else is stumbling through helps that one mom out there, that makes me happy. What I didn't anticipate when starting this blog was the amount of positive feedback I'd receive. I have...

I apologize in advance for the number of typos that are probably in here...it's taking forever to proofread so I'm hitting post long before I probably should. :) I am nervous to write this. I am nervous to post this. This will probably take me a few sessions to write, just because it's so long, detailed, and emotional. And awhile ago, like Clara's Birth Story , I should have written it earlier...but it has taken a lot of reflection to get to where I'm at now. I would like to be asked for grace, understanding, and not be judged for what I am about to write and for posting it. I may be sharing it with the world, but it's a very personal story. I know some will wonder what the big deal is, some will judge me for some of the choices I made, and some will think I'm over-analyzing things. But someone, one woman, maybe two or three, will understand my journey and appreciate knowing someone else went through something similar. So after writing this for myself, I a...