Things You Should Never Say to a Pregnant Woman

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One of my favorite cloth diaper vendors had a facebook status of "You should never say ____ to a pregnant woman." the other day. I easily typed out eight things off the top of my head, all of which were said to me more than once while pregnant. And I easily continued to think of more but didn't want to turn BumGenuis' facebook into my blog, so I ran here to vent about it.

Don't get me wrong, I loved loved loved being pregnant. I loved the anticipation and wondering if the baby was a boy or a girl. I loved feeling her move, and watching my stomach roll like ocean waves. I loved her hiccups, even though when I first found out babies did that in utero it freaked me the F out. I loved the thick, long hair pregnancy gave me and the crazy cravings. I also loved having swollen ankles and swass. Ok, I didn't love those things but now that it's been almost a year (!!!) since I was pregnant I can look at pregnancy through rose-colored glasses. Which is what it seems a lot of women do, since most of the rude ass comments I got were from women in theirs 60s. Did they not remember what it was like to be pregnant? Not care? Whatever it was, some of the comments I got were just uncalled for...Being pregnant does not make a woman zoo exhibit. It does not make anyone else who has ever been pregnant, gotten someone pregnant, or known someone who was pregnant qualified to be a doctor. It wasn't going ok talk about a woman's weight before she was pregnant, and it sure as heck is not ok now. For any men, women in your 60s, people with pregnant friends, or anyone who is not or was not recently pregnant - I'm going to make this easy for you. Never say any of these things to a pregnant women...and note some of my responses in bold. Towards the end I actually had enough balls to say a few of these.

  • You're getting so big!  And I thought I'd lose weight while pregnant. Huh.
  • You're huge! 
  • You look miserable.  It's because you're around.
  • Next time, don't plan on having a baby in the summer. Right.
  • You're due when?! Don't you know that August is hot?!
  • Are you sure you want to eat that Hershey's Kiss? Don't you know it has caffeine in it? -So does the Starbucks Frap I just enjoyed. I think I'll have seven more Herhey Kisses. Thanks.
  • Are you sure it's not twins? - Ummm no, I'm just 5'2" and having an 8lb 8oz baby. That practically is twins, thanks.
  • You're never going to make it to your due date. Super, I always wanted a preemie with a NICU stay. NOT. Thanks, ass.
  • How much weight have you gained? How much weight have YOU gained?
  • You know you're going to have to lose all that weight after you have the baby, right?
  • After she was born - She's small, guess you can't blame all that weight gain on her.
  • Want to take a ride on my motorcycle and we'll get that baby outta ya? No thank you sir, I do not want to ride anything of yours.
  • I kind of thought you might have been pregnant before you announced it, because I could tell you were putting on weight.
  • At a concert 10 days before I was due - What are you doing here?!?! Listening to Keith Urban...why, what are YOU doing here?!?!?!
  • How many months were you trying? You mean how many months was I sleeping with my husband? 
  • Are you happy about it?
  • It'd be funny if you had to push for seven hours. I curse the day you were born.
  • Says nothing...rubs my belly. I rub their belly too and say "Is it rub your neighbor's belly day?"
  • It's just your hormones. We'll see if that's a justifiable defense in the jury's mind after I....
I am just thanking God I will not be working around these people next time I'm pregnant. 

Sidenote: I LOVED a lot of my co-workers and still go back to visit periodically. They should know better than to think I'm talking about them. ;)

Honestly, the list of what is ok to say to a pregnant woman is much, much shorter:

  • You look ravishing.
  • Have you lost weight?
  • What can I get for you?
  • What can I do for you?
  • Would you like a back/foot/body massage?
  • You're a walking miracle...a vessel for human life. That's pretty incredible.
And, that's basically it. You're welcome.

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