Random Confessions, Vents, and General Ramblings

• Last week I posted another "day in the life of..." story and I have been regretting it ever since. Why oh why did I pick a day that we had no play-dates/events that altered routine/Clara went down for longer than normal naps easily/Ian wasn't working OT/I didn't almost pee my pants/I wore clothes that were more than 50% free of food/etc?! Because ever since then Clara and God and life have been making me pay for it. That was the last day that she slept in until 6:45 a.m. Apparently 5:15 a.m. is the new wake up time. In Maryland, at 5:15 a.m., it is still dark out! Not ok. Also, her longest nap since then has been 40 minutes. FORTY MINUTES, PEOPLE. SHE IS 10 MONTHS OLD! And yes, I was able to semi enjoy a Starbucks frap that day but it wasn't a day that it was my lunch, the only thing I ate besides stealing goldfish off of my kid's tray (I have no shame) between the hours of 8am and 4pm. It was a day I was able to cook dinner...granted, there was a baby whining at my feet and a husband whining that he needed to shower, but it.got.done - that is an accomplishment in and of itself. You know what we've eaten for the past two nights? Pizza. And Clara has been eating leftover macaroni and cheese for far longer than is healthy, I am sure. It wasn't a day that I came downstairs to my floor covered in poop, since on Sunday my 98% potty trained dog decided to relieve herself all over our carpet. It was a day I was able to go to *three stores in a row* without Clara falling asleep in the car and messing up her naps, or having a diaper leak, or realizing halfway through our errands that I forgot to put a bra on - all of these are not rare occurrences, friends. The Good Lord is making me pay! ;) I wrote about one of our days...a normal day, everything went as planned. That was my first mistake. My second mistake was expecting any day to be like the rest. ;)
• So I have mentioned a time or two or eight that I nearly pee my pants every day thanks to little miss and her bladder acrobatic moves in utero. The other day I was running to the bathroom, and I nearly ripped off my gray skirt (don't get excited people, I don't "dress up" on a regular basis - this elastic waist skirt is basically the material of sweat or yoga pants = heaven) in an effort to sit down on the toilet in time. Halfway through my stream of pee I looked down and realized I was peeing all over my skirt. The back bottom half of my skirt somehow made it's way into the toilet, in the de-skirting (like, de-panting, right?!) process. Awesomesauce.
• I am not ashamed to be "that parent" who will bribe their kid with food. We are taking cross country flights soon. I am scared. Like freaking out, dreading it scared...it wasn't so scary the first time. Kind of like labor...you think to yourself, it can't be *that* bad? Surely my kid (or vagina, in the case of labor) isn't as terrible as everyone else's. Once again, don't ever say these out loud, let alone think them more than once...because something will happen to humble yourself. Like your kid crying on the majority of a two hour flight. So what is going to happen on these 5 hour and 3 hour (in a row) flights? Mama just purchased a whole lotta goldfish, baby. And breakfast bars - like the organic version of Nutrigrain. If it buys me five minutes of peace on the plane...totally worth it.
• A miracle happened in my home today. I'm talking like a, Moses parted the Red Sea kind of miracle. Today while I unloaded groceries, Clara played in her exer-sacuer - that is miracle #1.  It is true what they say about once babies become mobile, there is no holding them back. She is not ok with being confined. She will use the *outside* of her exer-saucer and jumperoo to cruise around with, but put her in it? Yeah, right. She starts crying if you walk towards it with her in your arms...but not today! Want to know the second part of the miracle? (I know, the anticipation is killing you...) I was able to not just walk out of the room, but walk upfreakingstairs to go pee, while she was in said exer-saucer. I PEED ALONE. Without tears. On Clara's part, at least. I cried out of pure joy because it was just.so.beautiful. I didn't pee on my skirt, even. Where's my gold star?
• I get annoyed with my kid because she sleeps super well whenever Ian is around and I think he questions me about how hard she fights sleep sometimes. I tell myself she fights sleep worse for me because she loves me more. Both of these things make me a great person/wife/mother.
• Another SAHM friend and I (she shall remain nameless...just because I'm confessing doesn't mean she should be outed) took a walk w/ our kids recently. It started raining about halfway in. We kept going because play-dates are more for moms than for babies (what? You didn't know that?) We turned around eventually "because it was raining" but mostly it was because one of us was probably hungry or had to pee. I forgot Clara had a hood in the carrier so I stole a blanket from her kid to cover Clara's head...which really I only did so people wouldn't see and call CPS on me. I don't really think she needed it. The rain isn't cold here like it is in AK, really. I mean, she's bald and all, but whatever. This confession is like a four in one special. Pick your favorite or most flame-worthy confession out of this bad boy...I handed this one to you.
• I am not going to tell you that Clara has been asleep for an hour. Sixty full minutes. Twenty minutes longer than any other nap this week. I am not going to tell you that because if I did, it would be the last time she did it for a week.
• One of the best things about going to the gym? The car ride alone I can jam to crappy pop or R&B or Justin Beiber or One Direction (although these both fit in to the first category, I am well aware) REALLY loud and car dance the whole time. Like the picture below. I may or may not have been saying the word  "MAYBE" really loud right then....as in, "Call Me Maybe." I have great taste in music. I miss N*Sync.