I quit.
If you haven't unfollowed me on social media by now, you're probably aware that I'm well into the 365 Grateful project right now. 324 days in, to be exact. I take a picture a day of something I'm grateful for. I post daily to instagram, and anywhere from 1-10 photos at a time to Facebook.
And I'm done.
You're likely wondering why. I'm SO close. It's a cool thing, to look back on a picture from every day of this year, and if I kept it up I could make a whole photo book of our year. Even as I type this, I'm wondering if I'm making a mistake.
I started this project after a really, really rough 2015. I thought it would give me something positive to focus on, remember small things to be grateful for, and try and be a glass half full kinda gal. The thing that I've learned is, there are a lot of things that I do struggle with, but being grateful is not one of them. I'm grateful for so many things. Even after the last few difficult years, I sometimes have to be reminded that my feelings over being sad and grieved over those tough times are valid, because I have so many other things that bring me joy.
I do struggle with being on my phone too much. I struggle with my patience level (as I snapped at my kid at the last two friends get together's we have had - I'm grateful for my friend's grace and my kids forgiveness.) I struggle with caring too much about what people think. About six months into the year. I started to wonder if this project was becoming more of a time suck, leading me to be on social media more and care more about the response to my pictures than the picture and meaning itself.
Not to mention, there are so many things a photo a day can't capture. It doesn't capture my youngest daughter's giggle; her laugh is contagious. An iPhone doesn't show the sparkle that comes to my oldest daughter's eyes when she's giving you one of her rare, full, genuine smiles. It doesn't capture Haddie's hugs, the feeling I got when I heard her say "I love you, dad" to her daddy for the first time because I knew how overwhelmed with emotion he was, the full belly laughs she gives me daily. It doesn't capture the hard conversations Ian and I have had, and my gratefulness at his willingness to have them. It doesn't show how much Clara has grown in her anxieties and understanding of herself and how to communicate well. I couldn't explain her excitement over having a girls night with mommy last month, with a picture or even with my words. It doesn't capture her prayers, or Haddie's jokes. It falls oh so short of my life and what I'm really grateful for.
Some moments are just too perfect to be ruined by bringing out a camera, or trying to explain them to other people. How many nights have I sat with friends after the kids went to bed and enjoyed food or wine or hot chocolate, and just talked? How many times this year have I texted my best friend or my family, all who live out of state, a picture I didn't want to share on social media, an inside joke, or a cry for help, and gotten just the response I needed? How many times have I gotten acupuncture from a friend (who happens to be a doctor, don't just let any friends stick you with needles, please), or had extra cash and picked up my favorite drink at my favorite coffee shop (skinny half sweet special latte...unless the special is fruit related, then skinny half sweet vanilla latte), how many times have I held my kids hands, kissed their owies, been proud of them, been proud of myself, been proud of Ian for how we all responded to things? How many times have I gone out dancing, or worked out, or hiked? How many friends have hugged me, fed me, loved me this year? I couldn't begin to count.
So instead, I would go searching for something a little more arbitrary to post. Or something that may not offend someone. Something that may not have been what I was truly grateful for, but fit the mold of what I thought I "should" post that day. I posted about coffee the other day, I thought. Or oops, too many pictures of this kid, I should use another kid's picture because it looks uneven. And if I'm being honest, I could post about leggings every single day and it still wouldn't get my point across...they're that soft.
I don't like to give up, I don't like to quit things; but that's not really what I'm doing here, is it? Yes, I'm quitting the 365 grateful project, but I'm going to continue to be grateful. And this afternoon, as I baked, danced, and laughed with my kids, I didn't dare break out my phone to take a picture and ruin the perfect, messy, loud, moment.
And I'm done.
You're likely wondering why. I'm SO close. It's a cool thing, to look back on a picture from every day of this year, and if I kept it up I could make a whole photo book of our year. Even as I type this, I'm wondering if I'm making a mistake.
I started this project after a really, really rough 2015. I thought it would give me something positive to focus on, remember small things to be grateful for, and try and be a glass half full kinda gal. The thing that I've learned is, there are a lot of things that I do struggle with, but being grateful is not one of them. I'm grateful for so many things. Even after the last few difficult years, I sometimes have to be reminded that my feelings over being sad and grieved over those tough times are valid, because I have so many other things that bring me joy.
I do struggle with being on my phone too much. I struggle with my patience level (as I snapped at my kid at the last two friends get together's we have had - I'm grateful for my friend's grace and my kids forgiveness.) I struggle with caring too much about what people think. About six months into the year. I started to wonder if this project was becoming more of a time suck, leading me to be on social media more and care more about the response to my pictures than the picture and meaning itself.
Not to mention, there are so many things a photo a day can't capture. It doesn't capture my youngest daughter's giggle; her laugh is contagious. An iPhone doesn't show the sparkle that comes to my oldest daughter's eyes when she's giving you one of her rare, full, genuine smiles. It doesn't capture Haddie's hugs, the feeling I got when I heard her say "I love you, dad" to her daddy for the first time because I knew how overwhelmed with emotion he was, the full belly laughs she gives me daily. It doesn't capture the hard conversations Ian and I have had, and my gratefulness at his willingness to have them. It doesn't show how much Clara has grown in her anxieties and understanding of herself and how to communicate well. I couldn't explain her excitement over having a girls night with mommy last month, with a picture or even with my words. It doesn't capture her prayers, or Haddie's jokes. It falls oh so short of my life and what I'm really grateful for.
Some moments are just too perfect to be ruined by bringing out a camera, or trying to explain them to other people. How many nights have I sat with friends after the kids went to bed and enjoyed food or wine or hot chocolate, and just talked? How many times this year have I texted my best friend or my family, all who live out of state, a picture I didn't want to share on social media, an inside joke, or a cry for help, and gotten just the response I needed? How many times have I gotten acupuncture from a friend (who happens to be a doctor, don't just let any friends stick you with needles, please), or had extra cash and picked up my favorite drink at my favorite coffee shop (skinny half sweet special latte...unless the special is fruit related, then skinny half sweet vanilla latte), how many times have I held my kids hands, kissed their owies, been proud of them, been proud of myself, been proud of Ian for how we all responded to things? How many times have I gone out dancing, or worked out, or hiked? How many friends have hugged me, fed me, loved me this year? I couldn't begin to count.
So instead, I would go searching for something a little more arbitrary to post. Or something that may not offend someone. Something that may not have been what I was truly grateful for, but fit the mold of what I thought I "should" post that day. I posted about coffee the other day, I thought. Or oops, too many pictures of this kid, I should use another kid's picture because it looks uneven. And if I'm being honest, I could post about leggings every single day and it still wouldn't get my point across...they're that soft.
I don't like to give up, I don't like to quit things; but that's not really what I'm doing here, is it? Yes, I'm quitting the 365 grateful project, but I'm going to continue to be grateful. And this afternoon, as I baked, danced, and laughed with my kids, I didn't dare break out my phone to take a picture and ruin the perfect, messy, loud, moment.
Hi, Erynne- didn't know you had a blog. I finally took Facebook off my phone because it was using up too much data and battery. I also decided I didn't need to have people know where I was all the time...now I only check Facebook on my kindle every couple days or so. I still have histogram on the phone, but i am still figuring that out, so i am not so addicted to it as I was to Facebook. Anyways, I just wanted you to know I read your blog post and am glad life is good for you right now. (From Sam's mom)
ReplyDeleteThank you, Betty! I use social media for work so I don't feel like I can take it off my phone but I'm soooo tempted! You have the right idea!!
DeleteShould proof read before publishing....Instagram not histogram!
ReplyDelete