Weekly Confessions of a S'More Mama - May 17, 2012

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  • I was so proud of myself during Zumba this week. As I was gettin' down I was thinking, despite the fact that I know my dancing self looks a fool, I am sure I've lost a significant amount of weight...why else would my Old Navy ribbed tank top be SO loose on me?! Wow, I could even tie a little 1990s shirt knot on the side if I wanted to. I know these things stretch, but not this much! Heck yeah, I am awesome. After the class I strutted my hot, skinny self to the locker room and took it off. It was a maternity t-shirt. Damn.
  • I don't know if it's just me, I'm Alaskan and chubby and always sweating, or if they make the rooms in our pediatrician's office warmer than normal to make up for the fact that the babies are in there in just their diapers for awhile...but I am ALWAYS sweating in there. I swear our pediatrician is going to diagnose me with some extreme sweating or anxiety problem. Today before she came in I used one of their tissues to wipe the sweat off my face ("HOT STUFF!!" - Ross Gellar)...even though I still had to do the occasional oh-so-sly wipe of the upper lip while she was in there, I thought I had it under control. Get in the car afterwards, look in the mirror - I have pieces of tissue on my forehead. Cute.
  • I was loading a bunch of stuff and Clara into the car today after eating at Chick-Fila with my brother and his girlfriend. I was bringing some food home for Ian, so I had even more stuff than normal. Plus, Clara decided to christen the Chick-Fila in Pasadena with a dirty diaper, so I had to change her in the truck before we left...There was this big, gruff, cigarette smoking (I will vent about THIS later), tattooed from head to toe man standing next to his motorcycle thisclose to our truck. He was there for awhile, it seemed. He kept staring at me, at her...at first I thought "Heck yeah, I'm so hot, I had a baby nine months ago and Mr. Leather-pants is checking ME out" but then I remembered the maternity shirt and sweaty tissue incident and figured that was probably NOT the case. Then I thought, I wish he'd put out his cigarette and how can I maneuver Clara so she doesn't inhale any of the fumes of POISON? Then I thought "OMG HE IS GOING TO ROB ME, WHY DID I LEAVE MY WALLET RIGHT THERE?! HOW CAN I ARRANGE ALL MY THINGS SO HE GETS THE DIAPER BAG AND NOT MY DAUGHTER?!?!" All of these thoughts crossed my mind as he continued to just STAND there, smoking and staring! Finally I said "Am I in your way?" and he said "No, my motorcycle is really loud, I don't want to start it and scare your daughter." Can we say humbled?! I said "Oh! That's so nice, thank you! I'll just take her to the other side of the truck, we're going to be here awhile (cleaning up her poop!)" Then he put on his blue glitter helmet and drove away. What a reminder to be less of a crappy person.
  • I got the chance to go to a lovely and rare girls' night on Friday night. One of my very dear, and very pregnant friends (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!) may have spiked one of my drinks...and I may have had the suspicion that was the case about halfway through it and just kept on drinking! This was knowing full well that I'd have to stay at least an extra hour longer to sober up. And then I almost locked myself in her house because I couldn't handle her baby-proofed door knobs, which funnily enough were not an issue a few hours prior...
  • Let me tell you, having a baby does something to your bladder. Or at least, it did to mine. I didn't really have the "can't breath" issues that some pregnant women have (besides the "I'm out of breath because I'm the size of a small ship and it's 100 degrees outside" issue) but I did have the "I just peed 5 minutes ago and I have to go again RIGHT NOW" issue. After Clara made my bladder her trampoline for 41 weeks, I have never been the same...and the thought, ever so briefly but definitely prevalent, has crossed my mind this week that I wish I was wearing a diaper...because when you get home from the grocery store and your choices are 1) leave baby alone in a warm car while you walk your groceries in (not going to happen) 2) leave groceries alone in a warm car and risk your skinny cow desserts melting or 3) peeing your pants...well, sometimes those skinny cow desserts are worth it over some damp pants. I'M KIDDING...It hasn't happened!! Yet.

Comments

  1. AuroraMay 18, 2012 at 1:59 PM

    First, I adore you... You always make me laugh. Second, they really do heat those pedi rooms up extra, so it's not just you. If I had testicles I'd be sweating my balls off in there too.

    ReplyDelete
  2. ErynneMay 21, 2012 at 9:53 PM

    Thank you! I knew I wasn't completely crazy...it is HOT in there!

    ReplyDelete

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