Culture Shock

This post is not going to win me a lot of fans. At least not a lot of East Coast fans. But I assure you, all of my Maryland friends and family, you are dear to my heart. If I choose to spend my time with you whether you're from Alaska, Maryland, California or Zimbabwe, I love you. I do love a lot of things about Maryland, and the number one on the list are my family and friends. But it will never be home to me.

What I do not love are the flippin' Maryland drivers. I swear to Lucifer just the TRAFFIC alone on this side of the country will send me to a loony bin! Or jail, because it makes me JUST AS CRAZY AS EVERYONE ELSE ON THE ROAD. Yesterday as I was turning left, the person in the far lane stopped to let me in. That was nice. Yay, thanks pretty lady in the blue Audi. But there was a car coming up on my left, I had to wait approximately .05347 second for it to pass before I could turn. I waited and started to turn left...but now the Audi is coming at me. Apparently waiting .05347 seconds was not a part of her plan. I had to honk to say "hey, I'm still here" and look at her like "I thought you were nice! WTH?" and she sped around me, glaring the whole time.

Gotta love Baltimore traffic jams.

I know that there are bad drivers in Anchorage. I know there are lines to wait in there. I know there are people who are busy, or think they're busy. I try not to see Alaska through rose-colored glasses. And I know that the situation that happened above could have and probably has happened in Alaska, multiple times. But I assure you that when I lived there, situations like that did not happen daily, or even weekly, to me the way they do here.

How can you not hold Alaska up on a pedestal when you see sights like this every day when you live there?

Ian and I both traveled some as kids, not a ton, but most Alaskans do travel a lot in order to get out during the winter, and to visit friends and family in the lower 48. My family had lived in Maryland since 2003, so I'd spent plenty of time here. Because of this, I was not expecting such a culture shock when we moved in December 2007. I remember telling someone (who shall remain nameless for his safety;) after we'd lived here about a year how what a culture shock it was to move down here, and he looked at me like I was crazy. Mind you, I don't think this person, like a lot of people I meet from Maryland, had ever been away from the Eastern seaboard. But it made me wonder...why do people think it's so weird that we're so different? That Alaska is so "different"? The past 4.5 years (has it been that long?! OMG) that we've lived here, this is what I've come up with about why these two places are so different...

• When you pass someone on the street in Alaska, you say hi to them. They say hi back. They might not have any pants on, they might be drunk, they could be your neighbor's cousin's wife's dog, but you say hi and they acknowledge your greeting happily. You say hi to someone on the street in Maryland? Besides the occasional hi back, I've gotten the following reactions: 1) Blank stare...Yes, I did just say hi. Shocking, right? 2) Stopping in tracks and getting into a defensive position...No, my cockapoo, baby and I are not going to take you down you, sir. 3) They start speeding up in order to pass you more quickly....Yes, my greeting IS in fact contagious!! GO, GO! BEFORE YOU CATCH MY FRIENDLINESS!!!
• You tell someone you're going on vacation in Alaska. They ask if you're going to Hawaii or Mexico. Maybe California. If you tell them you're going to Europe, Africa, or somewhere more exotic they are excited for you, but not stunned. You tell someone in Maryland you're going on vacation and they say "Have fun in Ocean City, hun." Or maybe, if they're really open minded they might say Outer Banks.
• You need to run to the grocery store in Alaska. You realize once you're there that you have no make-up on, mix-matched flip flops, your Santa pajama pants, and a hot pink tank top with no bra on. No one gives you a second glance. You need to go to the grocery store in Maryland. You're wearing black yoga pants, a black matching tank top, and black flip flops. You get quite a few side-eyes for wearing yoga pants outside the house.
• You go to the mall on a Saturday in Anchorage. You park, walk in, shop, etc. You go to the mall on a Saturday in Annapolis. You park...oh, wait. You drive around, looking for a spot - there's one, oh no wait, that guy without his blinker on stole it. There's one...no wait, that SUV is parked over the line so you won't fit. There's one, no wait, some kid is sitting in it to "save" it. You turn around and buy whatever you needed online.
• You ask someone how long it takes to get somewhere across town in Anchorage. Without even listening to where you're going, they respond "15 minutes." You ask someone how long it takes to get somewhere in Maryland...they respond "Maybe if you left now, you'll get there by next week."
• You go to a hockey game in Anchorage. People are wearing jerseys, cheering appropriately, swearing occasionally, drinking beer, etc. You go to a hockey game in DC. Women are wearing high heels with pink jerseys (yes, I own a pink jersey too!), the person next to you asks what "quarter" we're in, the kid behind you yells "shoot the ball!", and the only way people know how to cheer is by screaming "SHOOT! SHOOT!" even if their team is on the opposite end of the ice.
• It snows a few inches in Anchorage. No one mentions a thing. It snows a few inches in Maryland. The entire town shuts down and your grocery store is out of bread and milk.
• You buy a nice SUV in Anchorage and say to your friend "like my new car?" You buy a nice SUV in Maryland and people say "Can I borrow your truck?"
• You go hiking in Alaska. When you're done your ears have popped a few times, you're covered in sweat and dirt, you've seen two moose and one bear, gone pee behind a tree twice, seen too many mountains to count, and sleep for 12 hours straight that night. You go "hiking" in Maryland. You arrive at a hill, hike "up" the hill for a little while, come back down and think "Why did I leave my house? I could have walked that much around my neighborhood."
• It's 85 degrees in Anchorage. People are walking around w/o shirts on, covered in sunscreen and sweat, and kids are running through sprinklers in their yards. It's 85 degrees in Maryland. People are wearing pants, t-shirts, tennis shoes and *maybe* their AC is turned on.
• It's 100 degrees in Anchorage. The world has ended. It's 100 degrees in Maryland. People are wearing shorts and t-shirts and saying "it's hot out today". *I* am naked, covered in ice cubes, dreaming about igloos and bathing myself in SPF 50...I get strange looks.
• You're on a walk in Anchorage and hear leaves and twigs snapping. You prepare for a moose to walk out onto the trail/sidewalk. You hear the same thing on your walk in Maryland...you prepare for a mugging. (As my mom says..."It's a different kind of predator here!")
• Someone comments on how beautiful your daughter is in Alaska and says "Better clean that shotgun, dad." Someone comments on how beautiful your daughter is in Maryland and gasps when you mention your shotgun. 
• You go out to eat in Alaska and order crab. A pound of crab meat is presented to you in one or two legs. You go out to eat in Maryland for crabs...You spend two hours picking through crabs that are 1/10 the size of Alaskan king crab and maybe get six ounces of meat.
• You're going boating in Alaska in July. You wear two layers of clothing, and are covered in rain gear. You're going boating in Maryland. You wear no clothing, and are covered in sun sceen.
• Someone asks you what school you went to in Alaska. You name one of the high schools there, and your college - which was most likely out of state. Someone asks you what school you went to in Maryland, and are shocked when you name something other than the two closest high schools to where you're at.
• It's June in Maryland and your parents tell you to come in when it gets dark out, you come home around nine. It's June in Alaska and your parents tell you to come home when it gets dark out. You never come home. 

Hopefully some of these can explain why we're so gosh darn different (or "an alien", as some of Ian's coworkers have referred to him) than a lot of people from Maryland, and why we had such a culture shock when moving here. I still haven't come to grips with the fact that it can be hot and dark out at the same time. But I still put old bay in my scrambled eggs, laugh when people from AK complain about traffic, and don't blink when crossing over the Bay Bridge anymore. There's some Maryland in me after all. ;)

Coming up soon: A post about what I love about Maryland...seeing as I might not have many Maryland friends left after this. ;)