Reflections on my Birth Experience

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After writing Clara's Birth Story, I decided to write a few things about what I think about it all and what I might change for future children. I should probably preface this by saying that a lot of these are thoughts and considerations for next time, but that does not mean I don't view Clara's birth as a positive experience...besides the obvious, the fact that I met her and we are/were both healthy, there still aren't that many things I would do differently. And even as I reflect and consider different options for next time, her birth and life remind me how little control I have over some of these experiences. Those of you who know me in real life know that I *may* have a slight issue relinquishing control ("Relinquish is just a fancy way of saying lose!" - Monica Geller) and so I don't want to get caught up in the "This is exactly what will happen next time" and risk feeling like a failure if it's different than I planned...because God forbid anything goes against my plans!!! ;) Hehe.
  • Midwife vs. OB-GYN: I loved loved loved Dr. Penn and *might* still go to that office if we're living in this area when it comes time for #2 because I like him and a couple other doctors so much...but I also run the risk of delivering with any of the doctors there that I don't know or like, who may be more likely to push a c-section, induction, etc. on me. Overall I feel like midwives give you a little more time and attention and are more likely to let you labor as you'd like, and not be quite as c-section happy. One thing I've learned is that I am even more terrified of a c-section now than before I had Clara. To me the perfect compromise would be finding a practice that has both doctors and midwives that I like.
  • Med-free vs. Epidural: I loved my epidural for the most part, don't get me wrong. I vaguely remember saying to the anesthesiologist when he came in "I bet you get a lot of marriage proposals." But despite what some medical professionals may think, I truly think it slowed down my labor. My fear is going through that again, not progressing fast enough, then having to get pitocin, the baby not tolerating it, and having to go for a c-section. On the other hand, my fear is also having 35 hours of strong contractions w/ no pain relief and not having the strength or energy to push the baby out. Then I go back to thinking, I still felt a great deal of the pain anyways and it's not like I was able to sleep even with the epidural so what's the point? Yes, yes I very much remember "the point" but you know what I mean. I am still undecided on this one. I definitely would never say "I'm going med-free!" because you never know what could happen, and if I decide I want an epidural at the last minute I wouldn't want to feel like I was putting my foot in my mouth. The only thing I've made up my mind on about this is that if I do get an epidural, I'm waiting until I absolutely need one.
  • Birth Center vs. Hospital: If I decide to go the med-free/midwife route next time, I have considered a birth center. However, Clara needing the NICU team at birth due to the meconium was not something I had "planned" on and it would not be available at a birth center. I know a lot of times you can risk out of a birth center and be moved to a hospital in time to give birth but this scares me for two reasons: 1) What if we don't have time to be moved safely? 2) What if I get my hopes up on a birth center birth and then have to give birth in the hospital w/o any of the "tools" (water, moving around, etc.) to help get me through labor w/o an epidural?
  • Standing up for myself: Ian and I both know now that if I have a shitty nurse again, that it's possible to request a new nurse. I didn't know that was possible and I was so worried about being nice (not because I actually cared about being nice, but because I didn't want to do anything to make it worse for me) that I think I received mediocre (at best) care for a long time during my labor. I also think remaining confident about your choices is important too. If they (doctors, nurses, whoever) sense insecurity in your decisions you may be pressured to go one way or the other, and I felt vulnerable enough as it was at that time.
  • Waiting to go to the hospital: Next time I'll remember how long it takes to progress (even though I pray that since it's #2 I'll progress faster) and labor at home a bit longer. No letting my parents freak me out. ;)
  • People in the room: I am so glad it was just Ian and I in the delivery room. Next time I'm hoping that if I'm in Alaska, my best friends Liane and Stephanie will be able to be there. Ian and I had that time of just us, and in reality whenever our next babies come as long as he's there I'll be happy...but I would love to have Liane and Steph a part of the experience as well, and having more people to lean on is never a bad thing!

Other than that, I don't think I'd change much else...as long as the end result is the same - a happy and healthy family. :)


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