Never Say Never

This post is inspired by the blog Rants From Mommyland; she wrote a post talking about what the things said she'd never do as a mother but has already done. I have thought about this a lot because I am only seven months into this awesome journey of motherhood and have already done so many things I said I'd never do! And before she was even born I tried to tell myself "Never say never" but deep down, didn't believe I'd actually cave or change my mind. Well, I did...and I imagine I will again and again. I had a lot of opinions about child rearing because I thought I had a lot of experience. I did have a lot of experience - watching other peoples' babies. What a difference it is when the child is your own!

Never say never...

• I'll never let my baby sleep on her belly, in our bed, or get used to sleeping her her swing, rock n' play, or bouncy chair: Before I had Clara I said that Clara would sleep on her back, swaddled in the co-sleeper for the first 5-6 months. Then she would (easily and magically, I'm sure) transition to her crib in her own room and sleep on her back, swaddled there. HA. Clara slept in her co-sleeper for about two seconds before we realized that was not working. Then she slept in her rock n' play next to my side of the bed for nine long weeks, before I transitioned her to her crib long before I planned because we were waking each other up sleeping next to each other. She took 75% of her naps in her swing until she was 5.5 months old. We frequently nap together in our bed. If Clara is asleep in her car seat when we get home, I leave her asleep in her car seat in the living room. And the kicker - ever since she started rolling over, she sleeps on her belly. All.night.long. What am I supposed to do, go in and put her on her back and watch her flip over immediately, or cry because I woke her up?
• I won't give my baby a pacifier until s/he is at least four weeks old and breastfeeding is going wonderfully. And maybe not even then. I gave Clara a paci at two weeks old because for two full weeks *I* was her pacifier, 24/7. Want to wait until breastfeeding is successfully established? It won't be successful if I can never, ever put a shirt on.
• I will never nurse without a cover in front of anyone but my husband. Yeah, that went out the window the second Clara was born. "Oh, I'm sorry, are my boobs making you uncomfortable? My baby needs to eat. You should probably leave because they are going to be out for the next 12 months. Kthanksbye."
• I will never become one of those moms whose lives revolve around their kids. How can you not be one of those moms? Yes, I still try to see my friends when it's possible, go to church, go to the gym, and hang out w/ my parents and siblings. All of those things are important. But after God, family is my #1 priority and that includes my daughter. So yep, pretty sure my life is going to revolve around my kid(s), just a little.
• I won't give my baby anything but breast milk or formula for the at least six months. Clara ate oatmeal about 10 days after she turned five months, and started trying fruits and veggies about two weeks before she turned six months. Eh.
• I won't cloth diaper. Ummm, see posts below.
• Only purees for my baby. When you have a baby who doesn't like purees and insists upon feeding herself, a modified version of baby-led weaning becomes pretty appealing.
• I'll won't treat my dog any differently. I know she might get less attention, but she won't be seen any differently than she was pre-baby. Listen, I love my dog. (She drives me bat shit crazy sometimes, but she did that before I had Clara so this isn't anything new.) It makes me sad to hear about new parents re-homing their dog because they don't have time for them anymore. I knew when Phoebe came into our home that we'd one day be parents and thought about that. BUT, anyone who says that their dog is treated and seen the exact same post-baby as they were pre-baby is either lying or a saint. When Phoebe barks now, I am heckuva lot more annoyed because she could be waking up the baby. Her grooming bills seem a lot more expensive. Her matching collar & leash sets seem a lot less important. Maybe this makes me a crappy dog mom, but I am just proud that she gets fed daily, belly rubs and the occasional walk nowadays. 
• I won't "disappear" after I have a baby. And maybe I haven't disappeared, I just have after seven o'clock. My baby needs to sleep. Believe me friends, whatever you think I should be doing with you in the evenings will not be fun for anyone if you are around a fussy, tired baby and her stressed out mama. And frankly, even if she's in a fine mood, it's not fun for me to put a baby to bed late at night who should have been asleep hours ago.. I haven't disappeared, I just come out earlier in the day now. ;)
• Until my baby can hold his/her own bottle, I will hold her in my arms and hold the bottle for her to feed her. I mean, I enjoy the cuddle time and love feeding her...And I don't prop up the bottle and leave her because I don't think it's safe...but there are times, and this started months ago, that Clara insists upon laying back and attempting to hold the bottle on her own. When she gets tired, I am "not allowed" to take over (she's made it very clear) so I sit and watch while between her hands and a blanket, she's able to drink. This picture from December says it all:

• I will never quit breastfeeding. And you better believe, I judged moms who did. In my mind, no matter how hard it was they should keep trying. It's always possible. I knew it would be hard, so it wasn't like I went in blind. I researched and read books and searched the internet and went to classes and talked to other moms. I felt as prepared as I could get. And I did manage for six long weeks. Six weeks that consisted of frequent baby weigh-ins and pediatrician appointments from hell and nipple shields and pumping and 24/7 nursing and lactation consultants and baby blues and a tongue tie and a crying baby. So I started supplementing, which led to a bottle preference. So I quit. It's one of my biggest regrets, but I remind myself daily that it got to the point where my mental health was suffering and therefore Clara didn't have the mom she deserved. And NOW you better believe that will never, ever judge a mom who quits or doesn't try breastfeeding. Because you never know their story.

My "never say never's" are not about putting my foot in my mouth or thinking to myself "I wish I would have known ____." They are a reminder that every baby, every mom, every family is different. So when that judgmental voice in the back of my head starts to creep up when I see a mom making a difference choice than I would make, I can remind myself that I don't know that mom, that baby, or that family's story. Good parents make parenting choices to the best of our ability with our children's best interest at heart. As long as you're making those decisions, even if they're different than mine, I try to remind myself to never say never...I might be making the same choice one day down the road.

And for your enjoyment, a picture of a parenting choice some may not make...but my baby likes to chew on Naglene bottles, so I let her go at it! ;)