Clara's Birth Story
I really should have written this a few days or weeks after Clara was born, but better late than never, right?
Here I am in all my huge gloriousness at 39-ish weeks pregnant. I didn't take a picture after that, mostly because once you hear how ginormous you are and miserable you look so many times, portraits of yourself are not very appealing. I cropped my ankles out because they were the size of a large man's thighs. Thank you pregnancy swelling and 110 degree heat and humidity.
I was about 2cm dilated a few days after this picture was taken at a pre-natal appointment.
My due date was Monday, August 8, 2011. It came and went and my coworkers were graced by my oh so joyful presence that week.
Thursday, August 11, 2011: I went in for fetal heart rate monitoring which is a standard procedure my OB's practice encourages after 40 weeks. I read Harry Potter for an hour while I was hooked up to a monitor. I had two very mild contractions during that time.
Saturday, August 13, 2011:
4:00 a.m. - I woke up at 4:00 a.m. when Ian's alarm clock went off for work. Had a contraction, was definitely less mild than the ones I had been having off and on for days. I had two more between that time and when he left for work a little before 5:00 a.m. I told him I was having contractions, but that I was sure it would be awhile so to go ahead and go to work and I'd call him if I needed him.
5:30 a.m. - Having contractions every 10-15 minutes, I called Ian to tell him this was it. I knew it would be awhile and I likely wouldn't need him for that long, but he was working over an hour away on a military base and I wasn't sure if or when I'd be able to get a hold of him later on. He turned around and came home.
7:30 a.m. - Still having contractions every 8-15 minutes, I could talk through them but they hurt enough to stop me a couple times. I called my dad to tell him this was it and he and my mom should pick up my dog sometime this morning, but no rush.
8:30 a.m. - Made oatmeal cookies, barefoot and contracting in the kitchen. It was a sight to see, I'm sure.
10:00 a.m. - Having contractions about every 8-10 minutes, with a few in the 15 minute range. My parents arrived and hung out for a little while. We talked and I laid on the couch and told Ian when to write down contractions. They left with our dog around 11:00.
1:30 p.m. - Tried to nap on and off, noticed the contractions were spreading out to closer to every 15 minutes again. Walked around the house quit a bit to try and speed things up.
3:30 p.m. - Contractions were every 6-9 minutes apart again, and getting stronger. My parents were freaking the freak out that I wouldn't make it to the hospital in time for an epidural. This is what happened to my mom, she had very irregular contractions and they kept telling her she was fine and when she got to the hospital (against their wishes) she was 9cm dilated. I knew I wasn't that close, but was a little concerned b/c my contractions were irregular like hers - some would be 4 minutes, the next would be 8, etc.
4:00 p.m. - To calm my parents down, Ian and I went to my parent's house in Annapolis. I was getting sick of being inside our house anyways, it calmed my parents down some because they live very close to the hospital, and my entire family and brother's girlfriends were all there. The car ride was uncomfortable but I didn't feel like I was dying or anything. They all started taking turns timing my contractions, but mostly Ian. They kept a notebook of little events to remember this experience by...
4:30 p.m. - Contractions were still sporadic, but ranging from 3-8 minutes apart. Getting a lot stronger.
6:00 p.m. - Called the doctor on-call for my practice and told her my contractions were regularly every 5-6 minutes apart. I could talk through them if I needed to but it was getting more difficult to do so. She said to labor at home for a little while longer since we were so close to the hospital and I was a first time mom, it might take awhile (she wasn't kidding). We ordered Red Robin take out and ate it at the table with my family. The contractions were getting stronger and Ian's good mood was really starting to piss me off. In fact, everyone's good moods were pissing me off. The only people not making me mad were my brother's girlfriends, I think because they were in fear of this happening to them one day. Despite this, I was still in a relatively good mood. I snapped at my mom once for feeding my dog goldfish after I told her not to, and for Ian once for ignoring me when I was trying to tell him a contraction was starting. After that, I think they knew it was time to start listening to me. ;)
8:00 p.m. - Called the doctor again and told her I had some contractions that were every 2 minutes apart, but they were typically in the range of 2-6 minutes apart. They were more difficult to talk through but I could still talk through them if I needed. She said to come on in.
8:30 p.m. - Got checked into L&D. The intake nurse, who was very nice, checked my cervix and said I was 4-5cm dilated. I was getting admitted. This.was.it. Ian was still timing all my contractions, probably to feel like he was being useful :) and asked if he could stop. Yes, haha. I met my first L&D nurse, Kristen. She was off at 11pm so I wouldn't be with her for long which bummed me out. She was sooo nice.
9:30 p.m. - Kristen asked if I was going to want an epidural. I said yes, but that I could last a little longer if she thought the epidural might slow things down. She said it wouldn't (LIES!!) and called for an epidural. Dr. Keith, who is one of the doctors that I saw frequently throughout my pregnancy and liked, came in to say hi. Then came to time to get my IV in. I had been drinking about 120oz of water throughout most of my pregnancy, but today of all days barely had any water. I was so dehydrated Kristin could barely find a vein, and normally nurses have no problems finding one on me. She tried my left arm, my right arm, my right hand and then finally got it in my left hand. It hurt the whole time it was in, I could feel the liquid dripping into it and later, medicine, and it burned.
10:30 p.m. - This is where things start to blur together a little bit. Probably due to nerves. The epidural was really scary to me, Ian couldn't stand close enough to me for me to hold his hand (which is what I was doing through all the contractions at this point) so I squeezed onto Kristen's hand really hard. She said she was tough and could take it. ;) I remember apologizing before I got the epi because I wanted to put my hair up and it took a minute...she replied "Honey, you're in labor. No apologizing when you're in labor." I like you, Kristen. The epi hurt a little bit, but it really wasn't bad. The scariest part was when the doctor repeated over and over "DO.NOT.MOVE. Don't move. Do NOT move. This is going to feel like a small electric shock. DON'T MOVE." WTF?!?! You're going to give me an electric shock and then tell me not to move?! OMG. But, I managed not to move and it was finally over. Kristen told me my heart rate went waaaaaaaay down as soon as it was over; it was really high during the whole epidural process .I could feel the first contraction I had after the epi, the second one not as much, and by the third I couldn't really feel much of anything. I could still move my legs and feet so I was glad it wasn't "over done." Then she checked my cervix (I honestly can't remember if it was before or right after the epi) and said I was 6cm, and progressing really well. She said my cervix was really soft and I was almost progressing like a second time mom. Totally got my hopes up! LOL.
11:30 p.m. - Dr. Keith came in and broke my water, said I was still around 6cm and we would hopefully see a 1cm per hour progression from here. HA. I remember being nervous about what the water breaking would feel like, but I was pretty numb at that point and felt nothing. The water was clear, yay! She laughed at the fact that Ian was completely passed out. She said "They always sleep." and we talked about how men have an easier time sleeping that women (even when the woman is not in labor!) I met my new nurse, and for the life of me I cannot remember her name. She is from Spain and was really, really nice and had an awesome accent. I liked her a lot. Dr. Keith and nice-nurse #2 told me to try and get some rest. I couldn't sleep at all though, I think I was just too anxious about everything.
Sunday, August 14, 2011: Clara's Birthday!
2:30 a.m - Nice-nurse #2 came in and asked if I felt any pressure or feeling like I needed to push, I said no and she said "Ok, then I'll wait to check you for a little bit so we can see a bigger number when I do!" I was definitely uncomfortable (who isn't at that point in their pregnancy?!) but not in any pain. She and Dr. Keith checked on me a few more times in the next couple hours.
5:30 a.m. - I had been texting a lot with Jackie and Katie and some of my family, they all stayed the night at my parent's house thinking they'd be coming to the hospital in the middle of the night to meet the baby. Around this time, Jackie, Katie, Rebecca and my parents came to the hospital. They only allowed three of them (plus Ian) in at a time so they took turns visiting and waiting in the waiting room. They all looked almost as tired as me; they all stayed up half the night.
6:00 a.m. - Dr. Keith and Nice-nurse #2 came in and talked about how I was the first of many to come in. It was a full moon and there was a bad storm going on, so that brings a lot of babies into this world apparently. ;) I had heard one baby being born. I was anxious to find out how dilated I was; I was sure I would be 9-10cm and ready to push. I was 8cm. I mean, yeah ok, that's great, but in 8 hours I only progressed 2cm? To this day I still can't help but wonder if it was the epidural that was slowing everything down. Kristen said how well I was progressing earlier and then after that it took 8 hours to get to 2cm. I was frustrated. Dr. Keith said I would most likely be delivering with Dr. Penn, whose shift started at 8:00 a.m. I expressed a little bit of concern to nice-nurse #2 about delivering w/ Dr. Penn because I had only met him twice and didn't know him very well. I was worried he might rush me to a c-section, especially because I had not progressed very fast. She reassured me that of all the doctors, I should worry about him the least when it comes to pushing for a c-section. She also said that all of the nurses love him and request him when it comes time for them to deliver. So that helped ease my fears a bit. Nice-nurse #2 asked if I was comfortable (she asked this a lot, bless her) and helped put me on my side in a position she hoped would help the baby move downward.
7:15 a.m. - My new nurse, Cathy had come in earlier to introduce herself. She wasn't exactly warm and fuzzy but since I had two nice nurses beforehand I still had high hopes. Then she asked how long I had been in the position I was in and I said "About 30 minutes." She said she wanted to move me more to a sitting up position to help bring the baby downward. I wasn't thrilled, b/c I thought that was why I was on my side slanted down, plus I was able to rest a bit more that way, but whatever it took to get things moving. I stayed in the position she put me in for hours and hours and it was terribly uncomfortable.
8:30 a.m. - Dr. Penn came in to say hi and checked me again. I was 9cm. So close yet so far. During this time and for the next couple hours, we had spent time with my family and I was starting to get really exhausted...I had been up since 4:00 a.m. the day before. Cathy asked if I had any questions for her and I said "Will you take my catheter out during pushing?" And she said "When it gets closer to end, but not the whole time, why?" I said "I had read something online about pushing w/ a catheter in causing bladder infections." She looked at me like I was an idiot and said "Ummm, no, I have never heard of that." Thanks for easing my fears, Cathy. You're a peach. I tried to sleep on and off but wasn't really successful. Jackie and Katie suggested I tried to dance the baby out of me, and here is their demonstration of that act:
10:30 a.m. - Dr. Penn came in to check me again, I was 9.5cm. I asked about pushing before I got to 10cm and he and Cathy said they didn't really like to do that with first time moms because we often have a harder time pushing as it is. Ok. At this point I was just frustrated that I was still pregnant. I remember my dad coming in after they left and I started crying saying I was "never going to have this baby." I thought I was going to be pregnant forever. My dad said "Oh, believe me, you're going to have that baby." While I was trying to rest after that, my mom was teaching Rebecca about the clock in the room. She touched it lightly and it came crashing down. Cathy looked at my mom like she had murdered someone and my mom handed her the clock, apologizing. Cathy walked out w/ it placed in her hands like it was some precious porcelain family heirloom. I said, loudly, "It's ok mom, IT WAS JUST AN ACCIDENT." Apparently, Cathy did not feel the same way but I could have cared less about how Cathy felt. Dr. Penn said he wanted to start pitocin to get rid of "the lip of cervix" I had left. I tried to rest.
11:00 a.m. - Pitocin was started. It burned going into my hand/the IV. I had a spot in my left thigh/pelvis region that was hurting pretty badly. I asked Cathy if she knew what it was and she shook her head. I asked if we could do anything about it and she said it would require a whole new epidural. No, thank you. I later heard her tell Dr. Penn it was a "window" or a hole in the epidural. I've had someone suggest to me it might have been a "hot nerve" because it felt nothing like what my contractions felt like. My epidural was still pretty strong but I was starting to feel some of the pain of the contractions from the pitocin, especially in that one spot. Nothing I couldn't handle but I did press the button that would administer more pain meds from the epi. My mom saw me pressing the button and assumed I was pressing a nurse call button, so went to get Cathy because she thought I needed her. I wish my mom would have asked me but I know she was just trying to be helpful. When Cathy came in she seemed really annoyed that my mom got her and it was unnecessary. I was starting to think Cathy was going to need an epidural for the pain I might administer to HER. But I digress...
I kept hearing baby after baby being born and was feeling like it'd never happen. Looking back, I do think if I had made my fears and frustrations clear to my nurse, if she was a good nurse she would have passed it on to Dr. Penn and maybe I would have had more attention and would have delivered sooner. But I was scared of Cathy and wanted nothing to do with her, and didn't know what specifically to request so I just sat and waited. My brothers came into visit and we asked Andrew to be the baby's godfather.
12:15 p.m. - I continued hearing baby after baby being born. Dr. Penn came in to check me again and said I still had a "lip of cervix" left. SDFKSDJFSDISDVCNSDKFNSDKFWEORU. And then...dfiouvlksdnfdsklnfsdiofues!!! That's all I wanted to say. Actually, I wanted to say a lot of things, most of them starting with the letter F and rhyming with "truck." He decided to give me a little more pit. I asked Dr. Penn if it took me this long to get to 9.75cm (seriously?), was it going to take three hours to get to 10cm? He said no, probably not, and he'd be back in an hour to check me. They told me that I was leaking meconium, the baby had pooped in the womb. I told them the liquid was clear when Dr. Keith broke my water the night before. They told me about how they would have a NICU team in the room when it came time to deliver because the baby could have inhaled some of the meconium and might have trouble breathing. He also told me there was a chance she might need to stay in the NICU for a little while, but hopefully not. I was scared, but I had heard about meconium births before and the babies were all ok so that helped my fears a bit. I was very sad that the baby wouldn't be able to be put right on my chest or have immediate skin to skin because they would have to take her (him or her to me at the time!) right away but I knew they were doing what was best for the baby. Ian and I continued hanging out w/ my family in "rotations". Ian spent the whole time either sleeping, getting me ice chips, or hanging out w/ me and the family. We finally had to send him to get food, he said he'd watched "One Born Every Minute" with me and saw how women in labor reacted when the dads ate in front of them and he was not doing that to me. I finally said "Ian, go...just because I'm not able to eat doesn't mean you should wilt away."
1:30 - Dr. Penn came into check me. I was 10 centimeters!!!!!!!! HALLELUJAH, THANK YOU SWEET BABY JESUS! It was time to start pushing. Ian helped by holding one of my legs back and cheering me on, especially towards the end. The first few pushes I could mostly just feel pressure, no pain. I know they started to turn down the epi after a little bit because by the end I'm 99% sure I was feeling basically everything. The "window" hurt like a mother f-er. I knew I needed to rest in between pushes and was glad that I had time to do so, on the other hand that spot hurt so bad and the pressure was so intense I kept saying "I need to push. I need to push." Dr. Penn asked if I could feel the contractions and that's when I heard Cathy say "She has a window." I wanted to tell her to shut the f-ing window but I didn't. I felt like I had been pushing forever after about 45 minutes and asked how much longer it would be. Dr. Penn said "You're closer w/ every contraction." Well yes, thank you Captain Obvious. No, I actually genuinely liked him. He stayed around the whole time I was pushing instead of leaving me w/ the god-awful nurse, and he did perineum massage to reduce tearing...I was thanking God my friend Steph had told me that her midwife did that otherwise I would have wondered what the heck he was doing to me. During the middle of pushing I heard Cathy ask Dr. Penn if he knew what position the baby was in. He said very quietly, practically in a whisper "OP." I wasn't positive about what that meant at the time, but was pretty sure it meant face-up. I later found out that I was right, OP stands for occiput posterior position - Clara was head down but face up. Since reading about it I've found that women who have babies delivered in the OP position tend to push for longer, have assisted vaginal deliveries and sometimes they result in C-sections. They are also associated with epidurals, but it's not clear as to whether getting an epi makes it more likely that the baby will be in OP position or having a baby in OP position makes it more likely that you'll request an epidural because it's often a longer and more painful labor. At the time, I felt like it was an "out of body" experience though so hearing him say OP and having it register that she was "sunny side up" didn't mean too much to me. I just thought "I have to push this baby out." Dr. Penn was so calm the whole time too, which helped. Everything was hurting but the spot hurt so bad that I remember saying "That f**king SPOT HURTS!" And then later whispered the F word. I apologized to the doctor the next day for that, but Ian told me I did really well and they probably thought it was more funny than anything. He also told me that (which I guess can be pretty normal) the baby's head would come forward, go back, forward, back, etc. I asked again "How close is it?!" and Ian looked and said "Well...I think you're pretty close because that is not normal!" LOL. Dr. Penn replied "That is not normal for you to see. It's pretty normal for us to see!" Then, the icing on the cake w/ Cathy...She was waving around a package and said "Sometimes if we just wave the vacuum around, it motivates moms enough to push a little more." W...T...F...You think I'm not MOTIVATED ENOUGH?! I wanted to strangler her, but instead just started at her in complete shock and started to look at Dr. Penn with a terrified look. He told her "We are not going to have to use a vacuum with her." Him saying that and sounding so confident reassured me. I kept on pushing through the pain, I liked feeling like I could "do" something about it. As it was getting closer to 3:00, the NICU team came in and started setting up. One of the NICU nurses said "Make your final guesses!" I said "Boy." Ian said "I thought boy this whole time, but now I think girl." Cathy said "Boy." (No one cares, Cathy!) and I think Dr. Penn said "boy" also. The NICU nurse said "I'll say girl just to be different."
3:09 p.m. - After an hour and a half of pushing, Clara Hope entered the world. Dr. Penn said "It's a girl!" And I said "IT IS?!?!" Ian cut the cord and Dr. Penn said "You better start saving for that wedding, dad!" I cried and cried as they took her away and started working on her lungs. It seemed like a long time and I said "I just want to hear her cry!" Dr. Penn said "They don't want her to cry, they want to get the meconium out first, they're doing that before she can." Finally I heard her cry and I started bawling all over again. Dr. Penn asked Ian to press the epidural button for more pain meds for me. He did, then he started taking the blue bows off of the cigars (he put blue and pink ones on) and then went over to take pictures of her once she seemed ok. Dr. Penn was giving me stitches because I had one second degree tear. I could feel a LOT of the stitches. I wondered why because he had asked Ian to give me more and I saw that he had...later I asked Cathy "When did you turn off my epidural?" because I could feel my legs and walk almost right away. She said "Immediately after you delivered." Awesome, because the doctor said I needed MORE pain meds so I wouldn't have to feel the stitches, but I did and you didn't tell him you turned my epi off. Thanks. At the time though, it didn't matter. Nothing mattered but Clara. She was 8lb 8oz (that's what I weighed at birth too) and 20 inches long. Her apgar scores were 6 (due to the meconium in her lungs) and 9.
Finally, they wrapped her up and brought her to me. I don't think I can describe the feeling of meeting her for the first time. When I looked at her face, she looked just how I thought she would, even though I didn't have a picture of her in my mind beforehand. It's hard to explain, it was just that familiar "Yes, that's right, it's you" feeling. Complete and utter love.
I was anxious to get my family inside to meet her and let them know I was ok. My parents were really nervous because my mom had complicated deliveries, and at one point a nurse came in and asked Ian to text them to let them know I was ok because my mom came up to the nurse's station asking about me. I cried all over again when they each came in to meet her.
So, that's our story. 35 hours and a perfect ending.
Coming up soon: Birth Experience Reflections/Planning (way!) Ahead for the Next Birth and Postpartum Recovery/Breastfeeding Struggles.
Here I am in all my huge gloriousness at 39-ish weeks pregnant. I didn't take a picture after that, mostly because once you hear how ginormous you are and miserable you look so many times, portraits of yourself are not very appealing. I cropped my ankles out because they were the size of a large man's thighs. Thank you pregnancy swelling and 110 degree heat and humidity.
I was about 2cm dilated a few days after this picture was taken at a pre-natal appointment.
My due date was Monday, August 8, 2011. It came and went and my coworkers were graced by my oh so joyful presence that week.
Thursday, August 11, 2011: I went in for fetal heart rate monitoring which is a standard procedure my OB's practice encourages after 40 weeks. I read Harry Potter for an hour while I was hooked up to a monitor. I had two very mild contractions during that time.
Saturday, August 13, 2011:
4:00 a.m. - I woke up at 4:00 a.m. when Ian's alarm clock went off for work. Had a contraction, was definitely less mild than the ones I had been having off and on for days. I had two more between that time and when he left for work a little before 5:00 a.m. I told him I was having contractions, but that I was sure it would be awhile so to go ahead and go to work and I'd call him if I needed him.
5:30 a.m. - Having contractions every 10-15 minutes, I called Ian to tell him this was it. I knew it would be awhile and I likely wouldn't need him for that long, but he was working over an hour away on a military base and I wasn't sure if or when I'd be able to get a hold of him later on. He turned around and came home.
7:30 a.m. - Still having contractions every 8-15 minutes, I could talk through them but they hurt enough to stop me a couple times. I called my dad to tell him this was it and he and my mom should pick up my dog sometime this morning, but no rush.
8:30 a.m. - Made oatmeal cookies, barefoot and contracting in the kitchen. It was a sight to see, I'm sure.
10:00 a.m. - Having contractions about every 8-10 minutes, with a few in the 15 minute range. My parents arrived and hung out for a little while. We talked and I laid on the couch and told Ian when to write down contractions. They left with our dog around 11:00.
1:30 p.m. - Tried to nap on and off, noticed the contractions were spreading out to closer to every 15 minutes again. Walked around the house quit a bit to try and speed things up.
3:30 p.m. - Contractions were every 6-9 minutes apart again, and getting stronger. My parents were freaking the freak out that I wouldn't make it to the hospital in time for an epidural. This is what happened to my mom, she had very irregular contractions and they kept telling her she was fine and when she got to the hospital (against their wishes) she was 9cm dilated. I knew I wasn't that close, but was a little concerned b/c my contractions were irregular like hers - some would be 4 minutes, the next would be 8, etc.
4:00 p.m. - To calm my parents down, Ian and I went to my parent's house in Annapolis. I was getting sick of being inside our house anyways, it calmed my parents down some because they live very close to the hospital, and my entire family and brother's girlfriends were all there. The car ride was uncomfortable but I didn't feel like I was dying or anything. They all started taking turns timing my contractions, but mostly Ian. They kept a notebook of little events to remember this experience by...
4:30 p.m. - Contractions were still sporadic, but ranging from 3-8 minutes apart. Getting a lot stronger.
6:00 p.m. - Called the doctor on-call for my practice and told her my contractions were regularly every 5-6 minutes apart. I could talk through them if I needed to but it was getting more difficult to do so. She said to labor at home for a little while longer since we were so close to the hospital and I was a first time mom, it might take awhile (she wasn't kidding). We ordered Red Robin take out and ate it at the table with my family. The contractions were getting stronger and Ian's good mood was really starting to piss me off. In fact, everyone's good moods were pissing me off. The only people not making me mad were my brother's girlfriends, I think because they were in fear of this happening to them one day. Despite this, I was still in a relatively good mood. I snapped at my mom once for feeding my dog goldfish after I told her not to, and for Ian once for ignoring me when I was trying to tell him a contraction was starting. After that, I think they knew it was time to start listening to me. ;)
8:00 p.m. - Called the doctor again and told her I had some contractions that were every 2 minutes apart, but they were typically in the range of 2-6 minutes apart. They were more difficult to talk through but I could still talk through them if I needed. She said to come on in.
8:30 p.m. - Got checked into L&D. The intake nurse, who was very nice, checked my cervix and said I was 4-5cm dilated. I was getting admitted. This.was.it. Ian was still timing all my contractions, probably to feel like he was being useful :) and asked if he could stop. Yes, haha. I met my first L&D nurse, Kristen. She was off at 11pm so I wouldn't be with her for long which bummed me out. She was sooo nice.
9:30 p.m. - Kristen asked if I was going to want an epidural. I said yes, but that I could last a little longer if she thought the epidural might slow things down. She said it wouldn't (LIES!!) and called for an epidural. Dr. Keith, who is one of the doctors that I saw frequently throughout my pregnancy and liked, came in to say hi. Then came to time to get my IV in. I had been drinking about 120oz of water throughout most of my pregnancy, but today of all days barely had any water. I was so dehydrated Kristin could barely find a vein, and normally nurses have no problems finding one on me. She tried my left arm, my right arm, my right hand and then finally got it in my left hand. It hurt the whole time it was in, I could feel the liquid dripping into it and later, medicine, and it burned.
10:30 p.m. - This is where things start to blur together a little bit. Probably due to nerves. The epidural was really scary to me, Ian couldn't stand close enough to me for me to hold his hand (which is what I was doing through all the contractions at this point) so I squeezed onto Kristen's hand really hard. She said she was tough and could take it. ;) I remember apologizing before I got the epi because I wanted to put my hair up and it took a minute...she replied "Honey, you're in labor. No apologizing when you're in labor." I like you, Kristen. The epi hurt a little bit, but it really wasn't bad. The scariest part was when the doctor repeated over and over "DO.NOT.MOVE. Don't move. Do NOT move. This is going to feel like a small electric shock. DON'T MOVE." WTF?!?! You're going to give me an electric shock and then tell me not to move?! OMG. But, I managed not to move and it was finally over. Kristen told me my heart rate went waaaaaaaay down as soon as it was over; it was really high during the whole epidural process .I could feel the first contraction I had after the epi, the second one not as much, and by the third I couldn't really feel much of anything. I could still move my legs and feet so I was glad it wasn't "over done." Then she checked my cervix (I honestly can't remember if it was before or right after the epi) and said I was 6cm, and progressing really well. She said my cervix was really soft and I was almost progressing like a second time mom. Totally got my hopes up! LOL.
11:30 p.m. - Dr. Keith came in and broke my water, said I was still around 6cm and we would hopefully see a 1cm per hour progression from here. HA. I remember being nervous about what the water breaking would feel like, but I was pretty numb at that point and felt nothing. The water was clear, yay! She laughed at the fact that Ian was completely passed out. She said "They always sleep." and we talked about how men have an easier time sleeping that women (even when the woman is not in labor!) I met my new nurse, and for the life of me I cannot remember her name. She is from Spain and was really, really nice and had an awesome accent. I liked her a lot. Dr. Keith and nice-nurse #2 told me to try and get some rest. I couldn't sleep at all though, I think I was just too anxious about everything.
Sunday, August 14, 2011: Clara's Birthday!
2:30 a.m - Nice-nurse #2 came in and asked if I felt any pressure or feeling like I needed to push, I said no and she said "Ok, then I'll wait to check you for a little bit so we can see a bigger number when I do!" I was definitely uncomfortable (who isn't at that point in their pregnancy?!) but not in any pain. She and Dr. Keith checked on me a few more times in the next couple hours.
5:30 a.m. - I had been texting a lot with Jackie and Katie and some of my family, they all stayed the night at my parent's house thinking they'd be coming to the hospital in the middle of the night to meet the baby. Around this time, Jackie, Katie, Rebecca and my parents came to the hospital. They only allowed three of them (plus Ian) in at a time so they took turns visiting and waiting in the waiting room. They all looked almost as tired as me; they all stayed up half the night.
6:00 a.m. - Dr. Keith and Nice-nurse #2 came in and talked about how I was the first of many to come in. It was a full moon and there was a bad storm going on, so that brings a lot of babies into this world apparently. ;) I had heard one baby being born. I was anxious to find out how dilated I was; I was sure I would be 9-10cm and ready to push. I was 8cm. I mean, yeah ok, that's great, but in 8 hours I only progressed 2cm? To this day I still can't help but wonder if it was the epidural that was slowing everything down. Kristen said how well I was progressing earlier and then after that it took 8 hours to get to 2cm. I was frustrated. Dr. Keith said I would most likely be delivering with Dr. Penn, whose shift started at 8:00 a.m. I expressed a little bit of concern to nice-nurse #2 about delivering w/ Dr. Penn because I had only met him twice and didn't know him very well. I was worried he might rush me to a c-section, especially because I had not progressed very fast. She reassured me that of all the doctors, I should worry about him the least when it comes to pushing for a c-section. She also said that all of the nurses love him and request him when it comes time for them to deliver. So that helped ease my fears a bit. Nice-nurse #2 asked if I was comfortable (she asked this a lot, bless her) and helped put me on my side in a position she hoped would help the baby move downward.
7:15 a.m. - My new nurse, Cathy had come in earlier to introduce herself. She wasn't exactly warm and fuzzy but since I had two nice nurses beforehand I still had high hopes. Then she asked how long I had been in the position I was in and I said "About 30 minutes." She said she wanted to move me more to a sitting up position to help bring the baby downward. I wasn't thrilled, b/c I thought that was why I was on my side slanted down, plus I was able to rest a bit more that way, but whatever it took to get things moving. I stayed in the position she put me in for hours and hours and it was terribly uncomfortable.
8:30 a.m. - Dr. Penn came in to say hi and checked me again. I was 9cm. So close yet so far. During this time and for the next couple hours, we had spent time with my family and I was starting to get really exhausted...I had been up since 4:00 a.m. the day before. Cathy asked if I had any questions for her and I said "Will you take my catheter out during pushing?" And she said "When it gets closer to end, but not the whole time, why?" I said "I had read something online about pushing w/ a catheter in causing bladder infections." She looked at me like I was an idiot and said "Ummm, no, I have never heard of that." Thanks for easing my fears, Cathy. You're a peach. I tried to sleep on and off but wasn't really successful. Jackie and Katie suggested I tried to dance the baby out of me, and here is their demonstration of that act:
10:30 a.m. - Dr. Penn came in to check me again, I was 9.5cm. I asked about pushing before I got to 10cm and he and Cathy said they didn't really like to do that with first time moms because we often have a harder time pushing as it is. Ok. At this point I was just frustrated that I was still pregnant. I remember my dad coming in after they left and I started crying saying I was "never going to have this baby." I thought I was going to be pregnant forever. My dad said "Oh, believe me, you're going to have that baby." While I was trying to rest after that, my mom was teaching Rebecca about the clock in the room. She touched it lightly and it came crashing down. Cathy looked at my mom like she had murdered someone and my mom handed her the clock, apologizing. Cathy walked out w/ it placed in her hands like it was some precious porcelain family heirloom. I said, loudly, "It's ok mom, IT WAS JUST AN ACCIDENT." Apparently, Cathy did not feel the same way but I could have cared less about how Cathy felt. Dr. Penn said he wanted to start pitocin to get rid of "the lip of cervix" I had left. I tried to rest.
11:00 a.m. - Pitocin was started. It burned going into my hand/the IV. I had a spot in my left thigh/pelvis region that was hurting pretty badly. I asked Cathy if she knew what it was and she shook her head. I asked if we could do anything about it and she said it would require a whole new epidural. No, thank you. I later heard her tell Dr. Penn it was a "window" or a hole in the epidural. I've had someone suggest to me it might have been a "hot nerve" because it felt nothing like what my contractions felt like. My epidural was still pretty strong but I was starting to feel some of the pain of the contractions from the pitocin, especially in that one spot. Nothing I couldn't handle but I did press the button that would administer more pain meds from the epi. My mom saw me pressing the button and assumed I was pressing a nurse call button, so went to get Cathy because she thought I needed her. I wish my mom would have asked me but I know she was just trying to be helpful. When Cathy came in she seemed really annoyed that my mom got her and it was unnecessary. I was starting to think Cathy was going to need an epidural for the pain I might administer to HER. But I digress...
I kept hearing baby after baby being born and was feeling like it'd never happen. Looking back, I do think if I had made my fears and frustrations clear to my nurse, if she was a good nurse she would have passed it on to Dr. Penn and maybe I would have had more attention and would have delivered sooner. But I was scared of Cathy and wanted nothing to do with her, and didn't know what specifically to request so I just sat and waited. My brothers came into visit and we asked Andrew to be the baby's godfather.
12:15 p.m. - I continued hearing baby after baby being born. Dr. Penn came in to check me again and said I still had a "lip of cervix" left. SDFKSDJFSDISDVCNSDKFNSDKFWEORU. And then...dfiouvlksdnfdsklnfsdiofues!!! That's all I wanted to say. Actually, I wanted to say a lot of things, most of them starting with the letter F and rhyming with "truck." He decided to give me a little more pit. I asked Dr. Penn if it took me this long to get to 9.75cm (seriously?), was it going to take three hours to get to 10cm? He said no, probably not, and he'd be back in an hour to check me. They told me that I was leaking meconium, the baby had pooped in the womb. I told them the liquid was clear when Dr. Keith broke my water the night before. They told me about how they would have a NICU team in the room when it came time to deliver because the baby could have inhaled some of the meconium and might have trouble breathing. He also told me there was a chance she might need to stay in the NICU for a little while, but hopefully not. I was scared, but I had heard about meconium births before and the babies were all ok so that helped my fears a bit. I was very sad that the baby wouldn't be able to be put right on my chest or have immediate skin to skin because they would have to take her (him or her to me at the time!) right away but I knew they were doing what was best for the baby. Ian and I continued hanging out w/ my family in "rotations". Ian spent the whole time either sleeping, getting me ice chips, or hanging out w/ me and the family. We finally had to send him to get food, he said he'd watched "One Born Every Minute" with me and saw how women in labor reacted when the dads ate in front of them and he was not doing that to me. I finally said "Ian, go...just because I'm not able to eat doesn't mean you should wilt away."
1:30 - Dr. Penn came into check me. I was 10 centimeters!!!!!!!! HALLELUJAH, THANK YOU SWEET BABY JESUS! It was time to start pushing. Ian helped by holding one of my legs back and cheering me on, especially towards the end. The first few pushes I could mostly just feel pressure, no pain. I know they started to turn down the epi after a little bit because by the end I'm 99% sure I was feeling basically everything. The "window" hurt like a mother f-er. I knew I needed to rest in between pushes and was glad that I had time to do so, on the other hand that spot hurt so bad and the pressure was so intense I kept saying "I need to push. I need to push." Dr. Penn asked if I could feel the contractions and that's when I heard Cathy say "She has a window." I wanted to tell her to shut the f-ing window but I didn't. I felt like I had been pushing forever after about 45 minutes and asked how much longer it would be. Dr. Penn said "You're closer w/ every contraction." Well yes, thank you Captain Obvious. No, I actually genuinely liked him. He stayed around the whole time I was pushing instead of leaving me w/ the god-awful nurse, and he did perineum massage to reduce tearing...I was thanking God my friend Steph had told me that her midwife did that otherwise I would have wondered what the heck he was doing to me. During the middle of pushing I heard Cathy ask Dr. Penn if he knew what position the baby was in. He said very quietly, practically in a whisper "OP." I wasn't positive about what that meant at the time, but was pretty sure it meant face-up. I later found out that I was right, OP stands for occiput posterior position - Clara was head down but face up. Since reading about it I've found that women who have babies delivered in the OP position tend to push for longer, have assisted vaginal deliveries and sometimes they result in C-sections. They are also associated with epidurals, but it's not clear as to whether getting an epi makes it more likely that the baby will be in OP position or having a baby in OP position makes it more likely that you'll request an epidural because it's often a longer and more painful labor. At the time, I felt like it was an "out of body" experience though so hearing him say OP and having it register that she was "sunny side up" didn't mean too much to me. I just thought "I have to push this baby out." Dr. Penn was so calm the whole time too, which helped. Everything was hurting but the spot hurt so bad that I remember saying "That f**king SPOT HURTS!" And then later whispered the F word. I apologized to the doctor the next day for that, but Ian told me I did really well and they probably thought it was more funny than anything. He also told me that (which I guess can be pretty normal) the baby's head would come forward, go back, forward, back, etc. I asked again "How close is it?!" and Ian looked and said "Well...I think you're pretty close because that is not normal!" LOL. Dr. Penn replied "That is not normal for you to see. It's pretty normal for us to see!" Then, the icing on the cake w/ Cathy...She was waving around a package and said "Sometimes if we just wave the vacuum around, it motivates moms enough to push a little more." W...T...F...You think I'm not MOTIVATED ENOUGH?! I wanted to strangler her, but instead just started at her in complete shock and started to look at Dr. Penn with a terrified look. He told her "We are not going to have to use a vacuum with her." Him saying that and sounding so confident reassured me. I kept on pushing through the pain, I liked feeling like I could "do" something about it. As it was getting closer to 3:00, the NICU team came in and started setting up. One of the NICU nurses said "Make your final guesses!" I said "Boy." Ian said "I thought boy this whole time, but now I think girl." Cathy said "Boy." (No one cares, Cathy!) and I think Dr. Penn said "boy" also. The NICU nurse said "I'll say girl just to be different."
3:09 p.m. - After an hour and a half of pushing, Clara Hope entered the world. Dr. Penn said "It's a girl!" And I said "IT IS?!?!" Ian cut the cord and Dr. Penn said "You better start saving for that wedding, dad!" I cried and cried as they took her away and started working on her lungs. It seemed like a long time and I said "I just want to hear her cry!" Dr. Penn said "They don't want her to cry, they want to get the meconium out first, they're doing that before she can." Finally I heard her cry and I started bawling all over again. Dr. Penn asked Ian to press the epidural button for more pain meds for me. He did, then he started taking the blue bows off of the cigars (he put blue and pink ones on) and then went over to take pictures of her once she seemed ok. Dr. Penn was giving me stitches because I had one second degree tear. I could feel a LOT of the stitches. I wondered why because he had asked Ian to give me more and I saw that he had...later I asked Cathy "When did you turn off my epidural?" because I could feel my legs and walk almost right away. She said "Immediately after you delivered." Awesome, because the doctor said I needed MORE pain meds so I wouldn't have to feel the stitches, but I did and you didn't tell him you turned my epi off. Thanks. At the time though, it didn't matter. Nothing mattered but Clara. She was 8lb 8oz (that's what I weighed at birth too) and 20 inches long. Her apgar scores were 6 (due to the meconium in her lungs) and 9.
Finally, they wrapped her up and brought her to me. I don't think I can describe the feeling of meeting her for the first time. When I looked at her face, she looked just how I thought she would, even though I didn't have a picture of her in my mind beforehand. It's hard to explain, it was just that familiar "Yes, that's right, it's you" feeling. Complete and utter love.
I was anxious to get my family inside to meet her and let them know I was ok. My parents were really nervous because my mom had complicated deliveries, and at one point a nurse came in and asked Ian to text them to let them know I was ok because my mom came up to the nurse's station asking about me. I cried all over again when they each came in to meet her.
So, that's our story. 35 hours and a perfect ending.
Coming up soon: Birth Experience Reflections/Planning (way!) Ahead for the Next Birth and Postpartum Recovery/Breastfeeding Struggles.
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