Random Thoughts of a....Mom

Thoughts that Go Through a Mom's Mind on a Regular Basis

Titling this blog post went something like this:

Random Thoughts of a Stay at Home Mom....Sloper's Wife....Solo Parent...Neurotic Mom...Mom.

• What's that smell? Is that me? Please dear God, don't let it be me. I showered today. No, yesterday. I have had minimal sweating in the last 24 hours, and even relatively speaking that should be ok, right? No wait. Is that my kid? OMG they're going to think I don't bathe them. Where are the damn baby wipes already?
• Is that normal? Is THAT normal? I'm telling myself it's normal whether it is or not. Maybe I should look it up...NO! No. Step away from google. WebMD is bad too.
• I should do more activities with them...
• ...omg could this game BE any more boring? I'm playing it wrong, huh? How am I playing it wrong when the game consists of you playing next to me while I sit here thinking about what all I could be doing and you bark at me that I'm playing the game wrong? What game are we even playing, anyways? We started off playing "vacation" and now it's "makeover" and now it's "sleepover" and now it's "skiing" and then it will become "swimming" and omg why don't I love playing with my own children more?
• I need more time to myself.
• See? Like this. Time to myself. It's good. It's relaxing. I wonder how the girls are doing. I hope Haddie stopped crying. What if she passed out for them? No, they would have gotten me. She only passes out for me anyways. But wait that one time...No no, I was there. I wonder why Clara doesn't like going to the gym anymore. I think I leave her too much. What if she grows up and all her memories are of me leaving her at the gym and church and school? But wait I'm here now if she needs me. She'll be fine. They'll get me if she needs me. I forgot this morning she didn't go to the bathroom, what if she needs to poop? I wonder if she'll try to wipe herself or if she'll cry for me and they won't hear her like that one time and she'll get upset...then she really won't want to go to the gym again. And I won't get a shower. She'll be fine. Wait, I just read 12 pages of my book and I don't remember any of it.
• I need more time to myself.
• Did I dress them warm enough? Cool enough?
• Aw, she's so proud of herself for picking out her own outfit! I hope they know I didn't pick out the bathing suit bottom with a sweater and boots...
• I hope they're good people like their dad.
• I hope they're strong like me.
• They give the best hugs.
• Is it naptime yet?
• Is it bedtime yet?
• I should do something more productive while they're asleep.
• I never have any time...Hmmmm, I wonder what's new on facebook and instagram.
• I feel guilty about ___, ___, ___. 
• Is she ok?
• Oh I need to check in with ____ (insert said friend or family member's name) and see how they're doing...OMG they have it so much worse than me. Why do I complain so much? I should pray more. I'll pray now...wait, what are they saying? Someone is yelling Mom again...Is that my kids or some other kid?
• I wonder how many calories that is. I should probably stick with snap peas. 
• FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WHERE IS ALL THE CHOCOLATE?
• Can coffee be a work expenditure/tax deduction for parents?
• I can't wait til my kids go to school full time.
• I'm going to be a fucking mess when my kids go to school full time. What if their teachers don't like kids? Or worse, what if they...do like kids? What if a shooter comes into their school? What if they're bullied? What if they are a bully? What if I don't make it through this afternoon because OMG IS IT BEDTIME YET?
• Is it a yoga pants or a fancy leggings kind of day?
• I should get pregnant again just so I can wear maternity pants all the time and see my midwives again.
• I'm so glad I'll never be pregnant again.
• What if I did/didn't...
• My kids are so smart.
• OMG is that normal? Are they behind?
• Look how cute they are!
• OMG has a demon taken over her body?
• I hope they get my teeth.
• I hope they get their dad's metabolism.
• I JUST did the dishes, how are there more already?
• I JUST did the laundry, where did that come from?
• Why am I wet?
• Do I spend enough one on one time with them? Do I play with them enough? OMG go play by yourselves for ONE SECOND.
• Wait, come talk to me. I want to hear about your day.
• I have to pee.
• Why don't my boobs point up as much as they used to? I want a boob job. Who am I kidding, I've never even dyed my hair, I'll never be able to bring myself to get a boob job.
• Speaking of hair, is that ANOTHER GRAY?
• I'm so glad we don't have anywhere to be tomorrow morning.
• OMG we have to get out of this house RIGHT THIS SECOND!
• You know you have a good job when at the end of a long day's work, your face is sore from an epic battle of silliest face-off.
• Is it too early to listen to Christmas music?
• I want to get a job outside the home. No. I want to stay at home forever. No. I want to go back to school. What would benefit my children more? Now? 20 years from now? 
• I should send my husband a nice text. I'm so glad he works so hard for us. OMG does he not understand that I am alone 24/7 for weeks and months at a time?! THAT WOULD MAKE ANYONE GO CRAZY!...I have no idea how he works so far from home all the time. I'm so lucky. I HATE THE SLOPE WITH A BURNING PASSION OF MY SOUL.
• I need to do the bills.
• I wonder if I'll ever poop alone again.
• I'll do that after they're in bed...Ohhhh look at all these shows on the DVR.
• She grew out of this already? Awesome! She's growing! Crap! More money!
• Why aren't they eating that? They ate it last week...ok, remember the phrase "You don't have to eat it." I won't make them eat anything. Great, now they're going to whine all night. Ok just one or two bites---no, teach them to listen to their bodies! They won't let themselves starve. OMG why do I even make dinner with crying kids at my ankles? I should just serve cereal every night. Damn, now I want cereal. We should go pick up some lucky charms. No, that's teaching them they'll get it every night. Dammit, I wish there was someone here to pick up lucky charms for me after they're in bed.
• Where's the wine?
• Where's the coffee?
• What day is it?
• I haven't seen ___ in awhile. We need to get together. 
• I need to make ___ a meal. I hope they're ok.
• How many days have I gone to the gym this week? Not enough.
• How many days have we been at church this week? Every day? I'm so glad my kids love church.
• My kids know more about Jesus than I do.
• I hope I'm raising them well.
• OMG I sound like my mother. 
• OMG I sound like my dad.
• I miss my parents...I should get on Facebook....
• I'm so glad I'm able to miss my parents. ;)
• I wish my kids had family nearby. I wish my family knew them better. I wish I had family nearby.
• I am SO GLAD we live in Alaska. Does it get any more beautiful?
• For the love of all that is good and Holy, WHERE IS THE CHOCOLATE?
• Awww, Ian left me chocolate. Shit! He knows he isn't supposed to do that. I'll eat it. OMG WHY DIDN'T HE BUY MORE?
• That person is so good at their job. I wonder if they always knew that is what they wanted to do. I wonder what my kids are going to be when they grow up. I hope they're kind.
• How do they bend like that?
• I need to sit down...Now I can't get up.
• I'm so lucky I get to be a SAHM.
• I wish I could get paid to sit at a desk and be told what to do.
• All parents have it so damn hard. But this job is also so incredible.
• IS IT BEDTIME YET?
• I need to listen to "Better than a Hallelujah" again.
• Oh good...they're asleep. Look how cute they are on the video monitor! Maybe I should check on them. No, don't. They're so cute. I miss them. They were just awake 30 seconds ago and I already miss them? How is that possible?
• Motherhood is the most impossible kind of love.