You Aren't For Everybody
Earlier this week I was writing about how surprised I was that it took me until 34 to learn some things about fatphobia and the media. It took me a little less time to realize that 1) I'm not for everybody and 2) that's ok.
I think some people have a hard time when other people, especially women, even more so mothers, own their own complexities. No only do I recognize some of the things about me might look contradictory to others (divorced, tattooed, sometimes drop an F bomb, single mother, working in ministry, going to nursing school, extroverted introvert, curvy girl who works out more than most of her smaller friends and loves bread but hates to bake), I own them. Those complexities, they make me me, they make sense to me, and they are a sign that I am becoming a fully integrated human after years of the world training me not to be.
And that's hard for some people.
It's hard for so many reasons - most of those reasons the same ones that disintegrated us in the first place. Societal rules and standards that told us who we should or shouldn't be. And before anyone gets their boxers in a buckle, I am not advocating for disregarding actual laws and rules that keep people safe. I'm talking about rules and pressure that put little kids into confining boxes and punish adults for breaking out of them.
Those boxes - the ones that tell us not to be too loud, or too quiet, not to be too big, or too small, how to worship, who is allowed to worship, who to love or not love, how to make love, and how to dress. They're small and confining and for many people, they hurt to squeeze ourselves into. But we're told - sometimes literally, sometimes metaphorically - that love is in there. That food and shelter and warmth and money are in there. Parent approval is in there. And breaking out - it hurts and it's scary. What if we lose everything we need inside the box? What if it's worse outside of the box?
It's not.
It's free outside of the box.
If you were created to be small and quiet and straight and lovely, great. If you were created to be large and loud and gay, also great. There's room outside of the box for everybody.
But, it does hurt getting out. It hurts to break the walls of that box, and it hurts when you realize some of your loved ones not only want to stay in the box, they are trying to drag you back in. They're scared for you, they're scared for them, but they're pulling you and it hurts. You're free outside the box and you want them to know the freedom and Love that exists outside the box too, but once you're outside, you know you can't pull anyone out who isn't ready.
And that's hard for some people to accept. Inside the box where all of the unattainable standards are, they're still having to force themselves to fit in, and it's uncomfortable. It's uncomfortable inside and it's even worse watching you outside, free and full of Love and also, there's food outside the box, too, as it turns out. Doritos live outside the box! It's confusing to the people inside the box because we were always told that all the good stuff lives inside the box but it doesn't. Since they're confused, they might need you to be confused, too. But you can't be confused anymore, not about who you are or who you love or what you wear or your chip and margarita choices.
It's not perfect outside the box. But it comes with acceptance of self, integration of self, self love and freedom. And it all starts with recognizing that God created you to be outside of the box all along.
Break out of your boxes, loves. I'm right out here waiting for you, in all of my lovely and "contradictory" and complex and beautiful and glorious mess of humanness. There's enough Doritos to go around.
I think some people have a hard time when other people, especially women, even more so mothers, own their own complexities. No only do I recognize some of the things about me might look contradictory to others (divorced, tattooed, sometimes drop an F bomb, single mother, working in ministry, going to nursing school, extroverted introvert, curvy girl who works out more than most of her smaller friends and loves bread but hates to bake), I own them. Those complexities, they make me me, they make sense to me, and they are a sign that I am becoming a fully integrated human after years of the world training me not to be.
And that's hard for some people.
It's hard for so many reasons - most of those reasons the same ones that disintegrated us in the first place. Societal rules and standards that told us who we should or shouldn't be. And before anyone gets their boxers in a buckle, I am not advocating for disregarding actual laws and rules that keep people safe. I'm talking about rules and pressure that put little kids into confining boxes and punish adults for breaking out of them.
Those boxes - the ones that tell us not to be too loud, or too quiet, not to be too big, or too small, how to worship, who is allowed to worship, who to love or not love, how to make love, and how to dress. They're small and confining and for many people, they hurt to squeeze ourselves into. But we're told - sometimes literally, sometimes metaphorically - that love is in there. That food and shelter and warmth and money are in there. Parent approval is in there. And breaking out - it hurts and it's scary. What if we lose everything we need inside the box? What if it's worse outside of the box?
It's not.
It's free outside of the box.
If you were created to be small and quiet and straight and lovely, great. If you were created to be large and loud and gay, also great. There's room outside of the box for everybody.
But, it does hurt getting out. It hurts to break the walls of that box, and it hurts when you realize some of your loved ones not only want to stay in the box, they are trying to drag you back in. They're scared for you, they're scared for them, but they're pulling you and it hurts. You're free outside the box and you want them to know the freedom and Love that exists outside the box too, but once you're outside, you know you can't pull anyone out who isn't ready.
And that's hard for some people to accept. Inside the box where all of the unattainable standards are, they're still having to force themselves to fit in, and it's uncomfortable. It's uncomfortable inside and it's even worse watching you outside, free and full of Love and also, there's food outside the box, too, as it turns out. Doritos live outside the box! It's confusing to the people inside the box because we were always told that all the good stuff lives inside the box but it doesn't. Since they're confused, they might need you to be confused, too. But you can't be confused anymore, not about who you are or who you love or what you wear or your chip and margarita choices.
It's not perfect outside the box. But it comes with acceptance of self, integration of self, self love and freedom. And it all starts with recognizing that God created you to be outside of the box all along.
Break out of your boxes, loves. I'm right out here waiting for you, in all of my lovely and "contradictory" and complex and beautiful and glorious mess of humanness. There's enough Doritos to go around.
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