Reminders about life and stretch marks and witch hazel and cuddles

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I can't be the only mom who thinks "If I only knew then, what I knew now..." and I know that's what all of our mothers and grandmothers are thinking as they are watching us raise these little ones. Which is probably why 75% (that's a conservative guess-timate) of them spout out unsolicited advice about whiskey on the gums and rice cereal in bottles at four weeks and other "good tips". But seriously, even just a year in, I think about what I wish I could tell myself before Clara turned one, before she was born, before I even got pregnant...what would I tell myself? What do I try to remind myself of now? What would I tell other women who aren't yet mothers? Heck, I already do tell them plenty - pretty sure if the population drops off it will be my fault (credit?!) because of all my talk about vag tears and placentas and breastfeeding horror stories. YOU'RE WELCOME, WORLD!

  • Everything negative is a phase. Everything. It might be two days or two weeks or two months (ahhh!) but it's a phase and whatever the issue is, it will probably resolve itself. Teething? Four month wakeful? Even though at 1:00 a.m. (and 3, 4, and 6 a.m.) it doesn't feel like it will ever end, it will. 
  • Your stomach will never be the same. Get over it. And remember this:
  • Take others advice with a grain of salt...and understand no one really knows how you feel but you. Don't listen to 90% of the advice you get...listen to the advice that you asked for, from someone you trust, if it feels right for you. If it doesn't feel right for your family, disregard it!
  • While you're nursing, if you feel like the life is being sucked out of you, it is because it is. But the fat is also being sucked off of you, so that's pretty neat too.
  • Letting your baby cry for a minute while you collect yourself is not going to harm her. It's better for both of you if you take the time you need to calm down, if it's one of those really rough nights.
  • About those really rough nights...if you get flustered or frustrated, it doesn't make you a bad parent. It happens to every parent at least once. Walk away, take a shot of tequila and get through. I'm joking about the tequila. Mostly.
  • Most of you who know me know that I don't really have a problem with sticking up for what I believe is right, especially when it comes to my family. But just because I do it, doesn't mean I don't struggle with perhaps making someone else uncomfortable by doing so...which is why I have to remind myself that the people you might be making mad by 1) quitting your job after being back at work for less than two months or 2) telling a friend you can't hang out as often as they'd like because you have a baby now - those people may not be in your life in twenty years. Your child will. 
  • Coffee. If you don't drink it now, you should. I somehow made it through the first ten months of Clara's life thinking my body was better than the caffeine. And then I visited Alaska (home of great, great coffee...while we're stuck with Starbucks and NO DRIVE-THRU HUTS IN MARYLAND, WTF?!) and realized what I'd been missing. Coffee makes me a better mom. 
  • The dishes and laundry will get done. Your house won't be as clean as it used to be for awhile, but that's ok. There's more important things going on. Let.it.go.Erynne.

  • There's some sort of mom-competitiveness thing going on that starts while you're pregnant. It doesn't matter. It shouldn't matter, but every once in awhile things creep up and you feel like you have to prove yourself. You don't. If you are caring for your child, safely and lovingly, you are doing it correctly. The media tries doesn't help:

  • Post-partum - Dermoplast and witch hazel. That's all I'm saying about that subject.
  • Your husband is not a woman. (WHAT?!?!?!?!) He won't anticipate your or the baby's needs the way you are able to. Things that are instinctual to you, may not be to him. He is able to offer things that maybe you aren't able to - let him. Watching the person you fell in love with parent is sometimes like falling in love with them all over again.
  • There's going to be a time when your baby doesn't want to cuddle anymore. Relish it. Enjoy it. It's obnoxious every time my dad texts me a line to a country song like "you're gonna miss this" when I've been up all night, and as much as I hate to admit it, I know he's right (dang it!!!). 



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