Two funny-ish examples of what it's like to be a mom with diagnosed anxiety

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I say funny-ish because anyone who has anxiety (or any other mental illess) knows it can turn dark quick. I'm lucky that for at least the last year, I've been able to laugh at my anxiety and dismiss it before it gets scary (but not before I sweat a little but like, that's just me...MY AWKWARD IS SHOWING.)
Scenario 1: 

I mutter “whoaaaa, ok” under my breath as a woman backs out of the school parking lot without checking to see if anyone is behind her (me). 

Clara: don’t be so furious, she’s just a grandma.

Me: Clara, do you know what furious means? (I explain it after it becomes clear she does not.)

Regular me to me: Well that was kind of funny.

Anxious me to me: If she thinks that is me being furious, I wonder how many times she has thought I was furious when I was not. I wonder who all she has told I was furious when I dropped a pen and said "ugh" if she thinks muttering "whoa ok" is furious. I bet she's told all her teachers I'm always furious. I bet she's told her therapist and her dad that mommy was furious over spilled cheese. I mean, I'm never happy about spilled cheese because it's harder to eat (but not impossible) and we shouldn't waste cheese but I'm not furious, or even mad. I should probably check (HI OCD checking behavior) with her teacher and her TA to be sure. Oh maybe her art teacher and her gym teacher and her librarian, I'll see her at zumba tonight and I should tell her this story just in case Clara has mentioned me being furious. That won't be weird. You're not weird. You're totally weird. Oh write a note for yourself to mention it to the therapist, you should ask about it at her next appointment. Probably should tell her dad, too.

Regular me to me: That was kinda funny. I'm hungry for cheese.

Scenario 2:

Haddie: Clara has a crush on Joseph*!!!

Me: I know, she told me already.

Clara: Joseph held my hand during art class today.

Me (use ALL your chill to appear chill): Oh, he did? What do you think about that?

Anxious me to me: Screw up this reaction and she will never confide in you again, about anything. She'll be too scared to tell you she has a crush on a boy and then she'll lie to you about boys forever.

Clara: I don't know, maybe that he likes me?

Me: You think he maybe has a crush on you, too?

Clara: Yeah, maybe, I don't know, can I have a snack?

Regular me to me: My first grader has more chill about potential dates/interactions than I do.

Anxious me to me: Why were they holding hands in art? How did the teacher miss this? I need to email her. I need to email the principal. Was it under the table? Were they bouncing around holding hands? HOW COULD HE BE SO BLATANTLY DISRESPECTFUL OF MY DAUGHTER? I need to look up his parent's in the school directory so I can do a CourtView search on them. This kid is bad news, I can tell. RED LEVEL ALERT. EAT CHEESE. Did you screw up that interaction? You screwed it up. YOU WILL BE ON TEEN MOM AS A 39 YEAR OLD GRANDMA.

Regular me to me: That was cute Clara talked to you about it. I'm hungry for cheese.

 *name changed to protect the (potentially!!!!) innocent child

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