What it's like to be a single mom on Valentine's Day
We have all heard single people, whether they're single parents or divorced with no kids or never been married, express their discomfort and negative feelings surrounding Valentine's Day. Valentine's Day can be a reminder of what is "missing", of comparing your happiness to couples you know, or an excuse to wallow a bit in your ice cream and binge watch Nicholas Sparks movies. Being a single person myself, I'd like to respond to those expressions with two thoughts:
1) Your thoughts & feelings are totally, completely valid and normal and I've experienced them myself.
2) I vehemently disagree with those sentiments.
Here is why, to me, being a single mom on Valentine's Day is the absolute best: I get to show my girls that Valentine's Day is not just about romantic love. It is about love in friendship and parent/child love, self-love and love from their grandparents, and God's Love, and sister love (not in the sister wife way, though, you do you boo.) By not wallowing, I am showing them that they are not defined by a romantic relationship, so when the inevitable hard times come in future relationships, or if a relationship ends, they do not question their self-worth. For every Valentine's Day whether they are single or married, they will know that they as individuals are worthy of celebrating and that their friends are worthy of being showered in love, and hopefully their sister too as long as no one has stolen anyone's pink sweater that morning. ;) I get to shower my daughters in love and attention, in simple ways. Kids are stoked over plastic bowls as gifts (seriously) and one box of candy hearts. They get a kick out of a surprise note or an extra squeeze of the hand, or being able to dress up in every pink and red article of clothing they own. Our simple celebrations are teaching them that any love is worthy of celebration.
Not the least of which, is their love for themselves. I am celebrating the fact that I loved myself enough to get out of an unhealthy marriage. That took bravery and ferocity and will, but most of all it took me learning to love myself. A Valentine's Day as a single, loved, worthy person is far less lonely than a Valentine's Day spent in an unhealthy relationship. If I watch Nicholas Sparks movies with ice cream tonight, it will not be because I need to wallow (not discounting wallowing, we all need those days occasionally) but because I love those stupid cheesy movies and also Ben & Jerry's Tonight Dough ice cream is magical.
1) Your thoughts & feelings are totally, completely valid and normal and I've experienced them myself.
2) I vehemently disagree with those sentiments.
Here is why, to me, being a single mom on Valentine's Day is the absolute best: I get to show my girls that Valentine's Day is not just about romantic love. It is about love in friendship and parent/child love, self-love and love from their grandparents, and God's Love, and sister love (not in the sister wife way, though, you do you boo.) By not wallowing, I am showing them that they are not defined by a romantic relationship, so when the inevitable hard times come in future relationships, or if a relationship ends, they do not question their self-worth. For every Valentine's Day whether they are single or married, they will know that they as individuals are worthy of celebrating and that their friends are worthy of being showered in love, and hopefully their sister too as long as no one has stolen anyone's pink sweater that morning. ;) I get to shower my daughters in love and attention, in simple ways. Kids are stoked over plastic bowls as gifts (seriously) and one box of candy hearts. They get a kick out of a surprise note or an extra squeeze of the hand, or being able to dress up in every pink and red article of clothing they own. Our simple celebrations are teaching them that any love is worthy of celebration.
Not the least of which, is their love for themselves. I am celebrating the fact that I loved myself enough to get out of an unhealthy marriage. That took bravery and ferocity and will, but most of all it took me learning to love myself. A Valentine's Day as a single, loved, worthy person is far less lonely than a Valentine's Day spent in an unhealthy relationship. If I watch Nicholas Sparks movies with ice cream tonight, it will not be because I need to wallow (not discounting wallowing, we all need those days occasionally) but because I love those stupid cheesy movies and also Ben & Jerry's Tonight Dough ice cream is magical.
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