Thank You Notes

My girls and I have spent the last week together. They haven't had school, I've had the week off of work, and we have done nothing but rest and play. This week has been the perfect, most healing, precious end to quite the year for us. We went to the museum, to an indoor play studio, had hot chocolate at coffee shops and at home, cooked together, ate together, we played real-life hairdresser (uh sorry Haddie. Hope you still love me when you're a teenager and see the pictures. Bangs are hard, and Clara has been my practice child in all other aspects so it's only fair you were my bang practice, right?), had a spa day, watched too much TV, napped, snuggled, had ice cream for dinner, went to the gym, skipped the gym, spent our first Sunday morning in 2.5 years at home, cooking and resting, and we had play dates with friends. After a year filled with change, loss, freedom, faith, fears, stress, unmet expectations, readjusting mindsets, growth, laughter and love this was exactly what my little family needed to move into 2018 happy, healthy, and whole.

(Lots more words after lots of pictures!)

For the sancti-mommies - we had not started driving yet, and Clara hadn't finished buckling herself in.

Pretty much we did everything outside of the house was a result of a gift, gift certificate, or time spent with friends, which got me thinking about how grateful I am for my tribe. I thought about the person that gifted us a Menchie's gift card, a Starbucks gift card, Imaginarium passes, etc. It also was another reminder (because hi, mom/lady guilt, you're not enough?!) of all the thank you notes I failed to write this year.

Thank you notes used to be my thing. I sent them out before the paper cut from the wrapping had a band aid on it. Here's a perfect example: In my newborn, sleep deprived haze after the birth of my first child, a family sent us a card with a check. I wrote a thank you note immediately, because heaven forbid I give myself any grace even though I have JUST BIRTHED A HUMAN BABY, my vagina has literally just been stitched back together and my nipples were you know, cracked and bleeding. But I HAD TO GET THE THANK YOU NOTES OUT so I sent it out and it came directly back to me because I was so damn tired I had addressed it to myself.

I also hard core judged basically anyone who didn't write them. If I can send them out with a broken vagina, that mom of a 3 year old (and 1 year old, and 7 year old) can send me a  thank you note for the birthday gift we so thoughtfully threw into our cart on the way to her party we nearly forgot about.

Yeah. I was in need of some personal growth. Motherhood gave that to me, and so did 2017.

This year, Clara's birthday thank you notes sat on my dining room table for 8 weeks before I finally came to terms with the fact that it wasn't happening. Haddie's birthday was less than a month ago but combined with Christmas thank you notes, and all the other thank you's I need to write or help them write...I'm not optimistic about those getting out anytime soon, or at all. Hey, didn't I mention that I had made some  growth in the readjusting expectations department?! ;)

But...I am. Thankful. I am also humbled, and shocked, and honestly, personally struggling with all the help I've received this year. I am not used to being on the receiving end of so much help. I am used to doing it all on my own, and priding myself on that fact. I'm used to taking care of everybody else all while writing all the thank you notes for all the things all the time and side eyeing those people who are just too busy, you know, taking care of their families and not caring so much about what people think to write thank you notes immediately and accidentally address them to themselves.

I will certainly miss people, but I would like to express my gratitude to those of you who helped carry my daughters and I through 2017.

For all the childcare and babysitting offers, help, and loving care, thank you.

For all the gifts - birthday, Christmas, unexpected or no reason gifts. It was such a reminder that we are loved.

Thank you for the froyo, cheese (yup), and cups of coffee.

For the friends who listened to me laugh, rant, cry, process and learn this year, thank you. Thank you for not judging me when I cried, or when I didn't cry. Thank you for handing me tissues, chocolate, a hand to squeeze, or chocolate (yup, I did intentionally list that twice.)

Thank you to those family members who over-compensated for my own divorce with an abundance of Christmas gifts. The kids are fine, but uh...it worked, too. So thanks. ;)

Thank you for answering texts, calls, and emails that would have been easier to ignore.

For the validation, reassurance, and confidence building...thank you.

For those of you who quite literally forced me into self-care, thus putting on my own oxygen mask first and making me a better mom, friend, and employee, thank you.

For giving me space to be honest and vulnerable, thank you. Those friends and family members who did that, you have no idea how precious and rare and necessary and important this space was to my healing.

Thank you opening up your homes, your offices, your dining room tables, your hearts to me and my children.

Thank you to those of you who I don't even know who made sure we were the recipients of love and kindness and gifts.

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, to those who let me help them in their own healing process. Not only do I consider it a joy and privilege to be let into your lives, whether it is a a joyous or a scary time, but anytime I was able to support someone else my broken heart healed a little bit.

To those of you who didn't immediately ask "Why?" or "What happened?" To those of you who didn't make me feel like I had to share every last reason of why, or what happened, thank you.

To those of you who trusted my decision making abilities, and vehemently expressed that sentiment, before you even knew a single one of my "whys", thank you.

Thank you for the many hikes, walks, dinners, coffees, and conversations. They saved me.

Thank you for all the "Have you read ___, yet?!" or "I just watched ___ and you'd love it!"  texts sometimes followed up by a trigger warning.

Thank you to those of you who addressed my Christmas card with my correct last name, or to me and the girls, or who asked what I prefer to go by. Thank you for showing the consideration and taking time into what may seem like a minor detail, but goes a long way.

Thank you for asking about how we are doing, and respecting my answer. For knowing that most days, it is fine or great, but some days it is not.

Most of all, thank you for giving me grace in accepting all of the unexpected help. Thank you for knowing that it's hard for me, to accept so much help and to try to do so graciously. Thank you for reassuring me of all the things that I'm doing well, and independently, and not making me feel like I *need* help but rather you want to ensure we feel loved and supported.

Thank you, friends. Every act of kindness, however small, helped me and my babies through 2017. Because of your generosity and empathy, I am excitedly looking into 2018 with hope, joy, and a whole, healed heart.

Happy NEW Year!