The REAL Christmas Letter - One Year Later
About a year ago, I published Our REAL Christmas Letter for 2015. I shared a lot of things; I was brutally honest about the fact that we were struggling in our marriage, I was mentally struggling a lot, and we had a lot of difficult parenting moments in 2015. I shared joyous moments too of course, but 2015 was a hard year. For most of us, 2016 has not been any easier, but I look back on that letter from one year ago and see it as the starting point for me being honest about my real life on social media, blogging, and in person. Some of you know me well and know that I've never shied away from being honest, sometimes blunt, and sometimes to a fault. There is something different, however, about being real. True. Authentic. Raw.
The response both online and in person, to that letter, was staggering. I still have people tell me how much they appreciate how brave I was. To be frank, I feel like my reasons for honesty were far more selfish than brave. Sure, it was nice that other people felt less alone in their pain and personal struggles, but I was sharing because I was sick of hiding our truths. I was sick of pretending that everything was okay when it was not, in fact, okay. I was sick of feeling like I was failing at parenting, alone. (Don't worry, now I know we are all failing!! Yay!!)
I get it now, though. I get why people were saying I was brave. Because what I didn't expect or anticipate was, when you share your truth with other people, now they're judging you. That real you, deep down, the you that you save for maybe only God to see. Before, they didn't know the full story. They were judging the you that you put out there for the world to see, but now they know the full story. It's out there and you're cut open for the world to see and read and click refresh and read again. When you share you're confused, people are quick to tell you what clarity they have. When you share you're struggling, people are quick to say it will get better. When you share your anxieties, people can invalidate your illegitimate fears by brushing them off as part of your mental condition. When you tell people your marriage may not make it, they are quick to tell you it will and it should be saved. When you share about your weight loss, they're quick to notice your weight gain. When you share a passionate opinion, they're quick to tell you why you're wrong.
Sometimes their opinion is wanted, valuable, and solicited. Sometimes it's none of those things. And opening up your life to even more opinions than the ones we are already bombarded with nearly constantly? Well, it's scary. So yes, by sharing my story, I am brave. And I am scared, too. And I can be selfish, kind, blunt, funny, awkward and a host of other traits, depending on the day. (Okay, I'm a parent to two strong willed, high intensity little girls - depending on the minute.)
So our 2016 Christmas Letter? Ask me and I'll give you honest answers, because I've gotten a lot of practice being honest and brave this year...but this time I understand a little more about the vulnerability that comes with that, and maybe I'll be more sensitive to your story, too. If 2016 has taught us anything, it should be empathy, listening, sensitivity, and to laugh as often and as loud as you can.
Merry Christmas, friends.
The response both online and in person, to that letter, was staggering. I still have people tell me how much they appreciate how brave I was. To be frank, I feel like my reasons for honesty were far more selfish than brave. Sure, it was nice that other people felt less alone in their pain and personal struggles, but I was sharing because I was sick of hiding our truths. I was sick of pretending that everything was okay when it was not, in fact, okay. I was sick of feeling like I was failing at parenting, alone. (Don't worry, now I know we are all failing!! Yay!!)
I get it now, though. I get why people were saying I was brave. Because what I didn't expect or anticipate was, when you share your truth with other people, now they're judging you. That real you, deep down, the you that you save for maybe only God to see. Before, they didn't know the full story. They were judging the you that you put out there for the world to see, but now they know the full story. It's out there and you're cut open for the world to see and read and click refresh and read again. When you share you're confused, people are quick to tell you what clarity they have. When you share you're struggling, people are quick to say it will get better. When you share your anxieties, people can invalidate your illegitimate fears by brushing them off as part of your mental condition. When you tell people your marriage may not make it, they are quick to tell you it will and it should be saved. When you share about your weight loss, they're quick to notice your weight gain. When you share a passionate opinion, they're quick to tell you why you're wrong.
Sometimes their opinion is wanted, valuable, and solicited. Sometimes it's none of those things. And opening up your life to even more opinions than the ones we are already bombarded with nearly constantly? Well, it's scary. So yes, by sharing my story, I am brave. And I am scared, too. And I can be selfish, kind, blunt, funny, awkward and a host of other traits, depending on the day. (Okay, I'm a parent to two strong willed, high intensity little girls - depending on the minute.)
So our 2016 Christmas Letter? Ask me and I'll give you honest answers, because I've gotten a lot of practice being honest and brave this year...but this time I understand a little more about the vulnerability that comes with that, and maybe I'll be more sensitive to your story, too. If 2016 has taught us anything, it should be empathy, listening, sensitivity, and to laugh as often and as loud as you can.
Merry Christmas, friends.
Merry Christmas, Erynne and Ian and girls! I am blessed to have met you and find you to be an inspiration.
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