Things I Never Expected to Hear, Say, See, or Do...

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...as the parent of two girls. Sometimes I think that parents of boys think that parents of (only) girls got out of some of the gross and weird stuff that comes along with having kids. Maybe it's just my kids, but girls are gross and weird, too. It's probably their genetics and heritage (hi, yeah, the other day I burped while discussing poop consistency with someone I haven't known very long) but my "girly girls" gross me out all the time.

Things I Never Expected to Hear, Say, See, or Do as a Parent of Two Girls:

  • I didn't expect to clean pee off of my daughter's face. Her own pee. There's a story there that later in life I'm sure she'd kill me for putting on the internet.
  • I never expected to be discussing private parts this much. Yeah, I get from an anatomy and safety perspective, parents and kids talk about this stuff (or should.) However, I did not expect my then 3 year old to name about 20 people in our life and ask if each one had a penis or a vagina after she learned that Daddy didn't have a vagina like the rest of us (MIND BLOWN.)
  • "Get your finger out of there, please."
  • "And there."
  • "But mom, boogers are so yummy!! Want some?"
  • "OMG NO NO NO!!! PLEASE STOP LICKING THAT LINE OF SNOT. OMG NO PLEASE GRAB A TISSUE; OH THIS IS THE MOST DISGUSTING THING I'VE EVER SEEN."
  • "Why is there poop on your foot?"
  • "And your finger? Never mind, don't answer that."
  • "WHERE MY DIAPER? I NEED POOP; WHERE MY DIAPER?! No! I no poop in dat potty!! WHERE MY DIAPER?!?! I NEED POOP!!" (Running around naked with a clenched butt!)
  • This conversation: "...and so that's what mommy was doing in the bathroom. All mommies have periods." "But what happens to daddies?"...."NOTHING."
  • "I just wanted to watch the pee come out."
  • "It's ok if you want to do...that...but, please do it in the bathroom or in your bedroom."
  • "Yes, dear, the same rule still applies at the dinner table."
  • "I don't need to wash my hands! There's no poop or spit up on them!"
  • "I cuddle your boobs, Mom." #boobpillow

And the hundreds of other experiences that are too embarrassing (for my kids...not for me, of course!;)) to put on the internet!



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