What I really want to say to other adults about my kids...
...but I can't because I'll be perceived as a bitch or the neurotic mom that I really am.
Some might say this post is a passive aggressive way of saying it anyways, but if you're reading this you're more than likely not an offender as it is. Strangers in the grocery store, on the other hand...;) I should start handing out business cards with my blog on it as a way of screening interactions. But I digress...
What I Really Want to Say to Adults:
1. For the love of God, it's none of your business when I'm going to stop breastfeeding. (Which, I did, months ago, but I'm still riled up over being asked this so many times.) If we are good friends and discuss breastfeeding on a regular basis, then by all means, ask away. If you are an acquaintance, stranger, raised a child 45 years ago, or just happen to have strong feelings one way or the other on breastfeeding, then just keep your mouth shut. My boobs, my child, my decision.
2. Stop talking about or giving my kids sweets without warning or asking me first - and make sure they aren't around when you're asking me! Yes, to you its just one cookie but to me it's the fourth sweet that day that someone has mentioned or offered my kids without giving me a chance to say "thanks but no thanks." Look, my kids get sweets. They know they get a cookie after church every Sunday. They know this because someone else told them about the cookie jar, but that's fine. It was only a matter of time and an Oreo encouraging some religion isn't necessarily a bad thing (You say bribe, I say positive reinforcement...) Point is, I'm not against sweets. I just have the right as a mom to say nope, they've had more than enough today, or nope, I want them to eat their lunch in 15 minutes.
3. On a related note, STOP GIVING MY KIDS BALLOONS. They love them. Maybe I'm a horrible mother because my kids love balloons and I do.not.want.them.in.my.house. They love them so much they want to sleep with them (ummm, no), they fight over them, they want to play with them at the dinner table, they want to kiss them and shove them in my face and just no. No more balloons. Yes, I realize I'm no fun at all. I also think this is one of those two kids things (I hated hearing that when I only had one kid) because it's been a recent development for me. ;)
4. Don't offer one child something that you can't offer THE EXACT SAME thing to the other. The exact same, this is key. Not a different shape, size, or color. Not even a different shade. Because I guarantee you, they will notice the difference. They will care. They will fight. They will cry. So will I.
5. If my kid does not want to hug or kiss you, be touched, be tickled, give a hand shake or a high five, then they have that right. It is their body. THEY chose what to do with their body. Do not poke or tickle or grab them anyways. Do not shame them for being shy. To you it is just a game but you are teaching them that other people decide what's okay for them to do with their bodies. If they don't want a hug, ask for a high five. If they don't want a high five, then move on.
6. We don't do secrets. I teach my children that no one should ever ask them to keep secrets from their mom and dad, and mommy and daddy won't ever ask you to keep a secret from the other parent. This includes fun surprises, because keeping a surprise is not a child's responsibility anyways. Yes, to you, saying "I have a secret" and it being about having an extra cookie (WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT THE SWEETS, PEOPLE?!) is innocent, but a child does not understand the difference. No secrets.
7. If my kid is talking to you about something, listen. Get down on their level. Show interest. Maybe it's just my child, but she doesn't just share stories and special things with anyone. Consider yourself loved if she opens up to you without being prompted. Even if what she's opening up to you about is her blue poop. Yes, blue poop. ("How many more blueberries do you think I need to eat until my poop turns blue like Haddie's?!")
8. Respect their emotional space too. If they are acting shy, or saying "I'm shy", they need their space. Wait for them to come to you. My almost-4 year old will sometimes say "I'm shy. I need space." and adults are often the ones who ignore this. Some of my kids favorite adults are the ones who waited for the kids to warm up, and then showered them in attention and positive feedback when they did. About their blue poop. And booger eating. Kids are gross.
10. My kids, my rules. This comes to food, bodies, clothes, games, etc. Do not question my rules in front of my children, please. It's hard enough to get them to listen to their parents, I don't need someone else questioning me. The number of times I hear "Why" during the day is directly correlated to my alcohol consumption. Don't judge me.
11. I try very hard to validate my children's feelings, even if I can't give them what they want that moment. I was so proud of myself one day when picking my oldest up from the gym childcare for handling her tantrum and disappointment over not getting what she wanted by reiterating back to her how disappointed she must feel, how hard it is to not get what we want, etc. Then once she calmed down, the childcare worker handed her what she was crying about. (&%*$! At least it wasn't a cookie.) I think adults sometimes think I'm "giving in" but I'm not - they can't always have what they want, but they have every right to be upset about it and I'll validate those feelings as much as I can.
12. My kids watch TV. Probably too much by some people's standards. I use it as my time to clean, cook, or actually sit down and maybe even pee alone!! Therefore, if I'm taking them somewhere, or paying for care (I'm looking at you, gym childcare!!), I don't want the TV on. They reach their limit as it is. Call that a double standard but I don't care. This does NOT go for when someone babysits my kids during bedtime, which is when my oldest gets her show every night. If my babysitter figures out a way to peacefully get both kids in bed without the oldest watching a show, I owe her way more than I can afford to pay her and I will bow down to her....and I'm going to ask if she's in more direct contact with Jesus than I am because I've spent a lot of time praying about my kids and that would be nothing short of a God given miracle.
13. Yes, that's a stain on my shirt. No, I have no idea what it is. Yes, it's likely a bodily fluid of some kind, if it isn't smooched goldfish. Get used to it; I have.
14. Learn to spell. I'm such a good speller now, I wish I could go back in 5th grade and make it into the final round of the spelling bee (So close, dang it!). Say it with me: M-I-C-K-E-Y. I-C-E C-R-E-A-M. B-E-D-T-I-M-E. I do not know what I'm going to do when my kids learn to spell. I should probably stop teaching them their letters now. Parenting win!
Now that I have scared every adult I know of ever interacting with my children, I will leave it at this. Just love them. Respect them. It takes a village and I truly could not do this without the invaluable adults we have in our lives. Just stop with the damn cookies already. ;)
Some might say this post is a passive aggressive way of saying it anyways, but if you're reading this you're more than likely not an offender as it is. Strangers in the grocery store, on the other hand...;) I should start handing out business cards with my blog on it as a way of screening interactions. But I digress...
What I Really Want to Say to Adults:
1. For the love of God, it's none of your business when I'm going to stop breastfeeding. (Which, I did, months ago, but I'm still riled up over being asked this so many times.) If we are good friends and discuss breastfeeding on a regular basis, then by all means, ask away. If you are an acquaintance, stranger, raised a child 45 years ago, or just happen to have strong feelings one way or the other on breastfeeding, then just keep your mouth shut. My boobs, my child, my decision.
2. Stop talking about or giving my kids sweets without warning or asking me first - and make sure they aren't around when you're asking me! Yes, to you its just one cookie but to me it's the fourth sweet that day that someone has mentioned or offered my kids without giving me a chance to say "thanks but no thanks." Look, my kids get sweets. They know they get a cookie after church every Sunday. They know this because someone else told them about the cookie jar, but that's fine. It was only a matter of time and an Oreo encouraging some religion isn't necessarily a bad thing (You say bribe, I say positive reinforcement...) Point is, I'm not against sweets. I just have the right as a mom to say nope, they've had more than enough today, or nope, I want them to eat their lunch in 15 minutes.
3. On a related note, STOP GIVING MY KIDS BALLOONS. They love them. Maybe I'm a horrible mother because my kids love balloons and I do.not.want.them.in.my.house. They love them so much they want to sleep with them (ummm, no), they fight over them, they want to play with them at the dinner table, they want to kiss them and shove them in my face and just no. No more balloons. Yes, I realize I'm no fun at all. I also think this is one of those two kids things (I hated hearing that when I only had one kid) because it's been a recent development for me. ;)
4. Don't offer one child something that you can't offer THE EXACT SAME thing to the other. The exact same, this is key. Not a different shape, size, or color. Not even a different shade. Because I guarantee you, they will notice the difference. They will care. They will fight. They will cry. So will I.
5. If my kid does not want to hug or kiss you, be touched, be tickled, give a hand shake or a high five, then they have that right. It is their body. THEY chose what to do with their body. Do not poke or tickle or grab them anyways. Do not shame them for being shy. To you it is just a game but you are teaching them that other people decide what's okay for them to do with their bodies. If they don't want a hug, ask for a high five. If they don't want a high five, then move on.
6. We don't do secrets. I teach my children that no one should ever ask them to keep secrets from their mom and dad, and mommy and daddy won't ever ask you to keep a secret from the other parent. This includes fun surprises, because keeping a surprise is not a child's responsibility anyways. Yes, to you, saying "I have a secret" and it being about having an extra cookie (WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT THE SWEETS, PEOPLE?!) is innocent, but a child does not understand the difference. No secrets.
7. If my kid is talking to you about something, listen. Get down on their level. Show interest. Maybe it's just my child, but she doesn't just share stories and special things with anyone. Consider yourself loved if she opens up to you without being prompted. Even if what she's opening up to you about is her blue poop. Yes, blue poop. ("How many more blueberries do you think I need to eat until my poop turns blue like Haddie's?!")
8. Respect their emotional space too. If they are acting shy, or saying "I'm shy", they need their space. Wait for them to come to you. My almost-4 year old will sometimes say "I'm shy. I need space." and adults are often the ones who ignore this. Some of my kids favorite adults are the ones who waited for the kids to warm up, and then showered them in attention and positive feedback when they did. About their blue poop. And booger eating. Kids are gross.
10. My kids, my rules. This comes to food, bodies, clothes, games, etc. Do not question my rules in front of my children, please. It's hard enough to get them to listen to their parents, I don't need someone else questioning me. The number of times I hear "Why" during the day is directly correlated to my alcohol consumption. Don't judge me.
11. I try very hard to validate my children's feelings, even if I can't give them what they want that moment. I was so proud of myself one day when picking my oldest up from the gym childcare for handling her tantrum and disappointment over not getting what she wanted by reiterating back to her how disappointed she must feel, how hard it is to not get what we want, etc. Then once she calmed down, the childcare worker handed her what she was crying about. (&%*$! At least it wasn't a cookie.) I think adults sometimes think I'm "giving in" but I'm not - they can't always have what they want, but they have every right to be upset about it and I'll validate those feelings as much as I can.
12. My kids watch TV. Probably too much by some people's standards. I use it as my time to clean, cook, or actually sit down and maybe even pee alone!! Therefore, if I'm taking them somewhere, or paying for care (I'm looking at you, gym childcare!!), I don't want the TV on. They reach their limit as it is. Call that a double standard but I don't care. This does NOT go for when someone babysits my kids during bedtime, which is when my oldest gets her show every night. If my babysitter figures out a way to peacefully get both kids in bed without the oldest watching a show, I owe her way more than I can afford to pay her and I will bow down to her....and I'm going to ask if she's in more direct contact with Jesus than I am because I've spent a lot of time praying about my kids and that would be nothing short of a God given miracle.
13. Yes, that's a stain on my shirt. No, I have no idea what it is. Yes, it's likely a bodily fluid of some kind, if it isn't smooched goldfish. Get used to it; I have.
14. Learn to spell. I'm such a good speller now, I wish I could go back in 5th grade and make it into the final round of the spelling bee (So close, dang it!). Say it with me: M-I-C-K-E-Y. I-C-E C-R-E-A-M. B-E-D-T-I-M-E. I do not know what I'm going to do when my kids learn to spell. I should probably stop teaching them their letters now. Parenting win!
Now that I have scared every adult I know of ever interacting with my children, I will leave it at this. Just love them. Respect them. It takes a village and I truly could not do this without the invaluable adults we have in our lives. Just stop with the damn cookies already. ;)
Comments
Post a Comment